Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Homeland Night in Canada

During last night's Habs-Devils hockey game, PK Subban offered two Hanukah gifts to Carey Price by making hugely successful last second sprawling reaches to turn away two pucks headed over the goal line.

No, neither Carey nor PK are Jewish and this is too bad because had they been, the surely would have been singled out by Ron Maclean and his new fondness for Jews, not to mention Jewish lawyers. It's too bad PK and Carey aren't Jewish lawyers because that would have nailed them a spot on the HNIC intro segment.

Leave it to Ron Maclean to segue into the Rogers Deal by invoking the legacies of Trudeau, Ugandan refugees, Paul Henderson, Muslims in the world, Gary Bettman, Jewish lawyers, Gary Bettman the Jewish lawyer, ziploc bags, popsicles, pregnant monkeys and windshield washer fluid.

Ok, back to Habs-Devils. I mean really, was Maclean next planning to equate the Rogers NHL deal to the signing of the Oslo accords between a very Jewish Rabin and an excessively Muslim Arafat? Ronny, baby, looks like PK wasn't the only one prone to reaching.

Habs-Devils, last night. For crying out loud, Ron, are you expecting Nadir Mohammed and Gary Bettman to duke it out on Homeland next season? Is Brody supposed to infiltrate Rogers headquarters to report back to Mossad, the agency Gary Bettman has covertly been heading for years now? Is Rogers not in fact the largest Al-Qaeda cell in Canada? Isn't that why they call it a "CELL" company because it's a "TERRORIST CELL".

If Ron Maclean was trying to make a point about how important it is to reach the divide, and yes it was good that this point was made, I would have thought it an opportune moment for he and Don Cherry to act out a scene from Syriana, with Cherry getting his nails pulled out and Maclean wearing a turban. That would have brought the message home.

In invoking Bettman's Jewish heritage and the fact that the commissioner is a lawyer,  I'm surprised Maclean didn't just go out and say it, "the deal had to be made, because Jews and Muslims now get along, Bettman is a Jewish lawyer, and hey, what can I say, Jews just love money. Let's take it upstairs to Jim".

Ay caramba. I mean who are we to talk. We're a blog about PK Subban and we never blogged when PK won the damn award on which this whole site is predicated. Zero cred, I know.

What can I say. I'm just another Jewish lawyer, trying to get by. Now someone go find me a Muslim to make me a billionaire. And someone get me a drone before Amazon snatches every fucking last one of them.


WinterLions said...

Superb. Let's get Elliotte Friedman to read it on HNIC.

Anonymous said...

Fantastic read. Always enjoy your posts. Too funny

Steve said...

take the shot, and its no coincidence Carey is on our team. Undoubtably he will turn a french speaking player to our side.

Smithers said...

man, you guys sure are streaky

winning conditions said...

PK's been benched. I don't know what to think. The sky is falling. Please advise.