Game Preview: Habs vs Wild

How on earth is this game on Hockey Night in Canada? Someone at CBC will surely get canned when they pull in ratings lower than the National Geographic special on the masturbating patterns of lamas.

Also, before we get into the game, it was reported that Alex Ovechkin tipped the scales at 242 pounds earlier this season. That's good for 15th heaviest in the league. WTF?? How many Mr. Big bars did you wolf down while filming those lame-ass commercials??

Now, about the game. When the most important thing about it is the fact that Blake Geoffrion is playing, then you know you're in trouble. Yes, the kid will be the 4th generation to play for this franchise and that's quite an accomplishment, but holy shit are we scraping the bottom of the barrel to come up with story lines.

So the moral of the story is: Don't watch it. It's gonna suck. If we lose, it will be boring. If we win, I will throw my TV out the window because we'd be getting further from the top 2 draft picks. It's a no win situation. Much like the Habs season. No win. Get it? Is this thing on?

Afternoon Munchies for Thursday February 2, 2012

Today's muncher: Mitt Romney - munching away at his own stupidity. I don't care about the poor, they'll take care of themselves in their own poor way. They've got a safety net. Yeah, the net's got holes wide enough to let a whale escape but hey, the net's there, they're poor and I don't give a beggar's booger about them. Vote for me.

The Habs play the Devils tonight. Scott Gomez is about to celebrate a very special day hide under a rock. This streak of misery is starting to defy pure hockey sense. How does a guy's skill and luck just vanish? 7 points in 20 games and a -3. It's incredible how serious this situation has become.

For the sake of accountability and legitimacy, the Habs have to send him down now. The playoffs are not going to happen, there's a potential roster spot that opens up if you send Gomez down which gives the team the opportunity to have a good look at some your developing talent. Can you believe we're saying things like "which gives the team the opportunity to have a good look at some your developing talent" on February 2.

How do you make sure the season's not entirely lost? You clean house now and give new management the time to become acquainted with the organization and its problems sooner rather than later. There is no reason to wait, other than the double dipping the team will have to do in paying old and new salaries to front office personnel. And that's not chump change so I can understand the corporate reticence to move in that direction. But good hockey makes good business sense; that's the model in Montreal. Let the team slide a bit more and you'll be snapping up reds from scalpers for 40 bucks again.

Don't bandwagon the NHL folks. There is some incredible hockey to watch. The Rangers are doing something special this year. The Penguins are forging an identity most teams would kill for; a real band of brothers. It's a feast for the eyes this NHL season when you look past the catastrophe that has become the Montreal Canadiens.

Gomez or Go Home - A Family Tale - Episode 3

Episode #3: ¡Dentro del fuego, hay fuego dentro! 

Escott Gomez, having returned to action but still unable to “crack the piñata”, is feeling the pressure of a dismal season and choking back tears while suiting up to face the Red Wings. The friendly defenceman sporting #61, with whom Escott shares a language and sometimes a jock strap, notices his distraught counterpart and tries to help him get his game face on.      

Rafa Diaz: ¿Why jew cry ay-ay-ay-ay Escott? ¿Is it joor colossal failure in the fighting of the bulls or the fact that jew have lost both joor papito and joor ability to escore? ¡Habla conmigo Escott! As jew expand on joor feelings, jew will successfully establish permanent settlements of these conflicts here on this territory we occupy. 

Escott: Gracias amigo. All these questions dance so mach in my head. I cannot let disco in order to completely  fuck-us out there on the ice. I get Saturday Night Fever every time coach Cunny-Bunny doesn’t Travolta with the team. This endless season never seems to Get Shorty in this Mad City. It's so hard to Be Cool with all the fans sarcastically yelling “You're a real Phenomenon Old Dog!”  ¿Do jew think they can see the fear through my Eyes of an Angel each time I take a Face Off? Do jew think they can see I'm barely Staying Alive?

Rafa Diaz:  If it Alps you to know Escott, I can be completely neutral and honest with jew. If Alaska the guys on this team, for sure they can see jew are only playing at Juan percent intensity. For sure they notice jew are not sharing Juarez on joor mind. For sure they can see jew are sweating too mach, joor face all Palin like someone being Trumped by his primary fears. All these clear signs they can read on joor face Escott, they do not library well.

Escott: ¡Hay Caramba! If they can see the war inside of me, then I must spic the truce to them. I feel like la Virgen de la Macarena Cheez Whiz me tonight. I will spread her positive message so that me and my massive celery don't take a dip down to the minors. I must tell the team that tonight, I will be dressing for the game to lettuce chews victory over the wings. Otherwise, with so mach at steak, I will cracker under the pressure.    

Rafa Diaz: ¡Talk to them now hombre and estop making me so hungry!   

Escott climbs on top of a table in the middle of the room and starts to address the players who have gathered after the warm-up. 

Escott: Dear compañeros, winning as a hockey team is yust like the politics. Jew need a big and estrong caucus that can handle huge loads of important decisions, as well as aim it's pearls of wisdom at a clear target. Since coming beck, it has been impossible for me not to notice the massive erection of so many divisive walls in this room. In an effort towards achieving everlasting piss amongst us, I will now drop the load I've been holding in for way too long, as I esplain myself to jew.      

Erik Cole: Can you explain why soon I’ll have done my taxes twice since you last popped one in? (the whole room bursts out laughing)

Escott: Jess I can Enrike, and after the truth is out there, I hope you will want to believe: right before I come beck, Dr. Fox Mulder warn me that too mach escoring could cause a muy grande fracture to my Scully. Dana he suggest I no escore no more, soda after a full two year recovery, I surprise the Centro Taco Bell by making a Sombrero Trick. Jew know, yust like the Mexican detective Columbo! (dramatic organ chord)  

Rafa Diaz: ¿En serio Escott? ¿Yust like Cristian Jorge Del Valle de la Concha San Miguel Juan Sebastian de Francisco de Columbo?

Escott: ¡Jess my adorable Swiss fondue quesa-Diaz! The Columbo es yust like Escott. He let everyone believe he estupid, but sudden... ¡Boom! He catch the killer as easy as Emelin catch the STD in Tijuana.

Mathieu Darche: Correc Gomaize, but if you do not do the goal for another year, veux-tu bein m’dire quessé qu’tu vas faire s’a glace calisse?

Escott: Didn’t understand a word Mad-jew. But here’s what I will not do: Escore. True. But also, I will not call jew a bunch of losers like Camel-hairy who wooden chair the puck...

Carey Price: ...mighty fine good start my little Mexi-can't! But please don’t be causin no more stampedes in this here room cause we been battening down the hatchets all year long over here!   

Escott: ¡Priceless words my Precio-so! There is no sense having a Broke-back trying to turn beck the Mountain of time that has passed. ¡Cher with me joor concerns! ¡Help me Carey the drim of getting back on the rodeo to more satisfying relations in this room! (Escott winks at Carey)

Carey Price: So how do we rustle this up?

Escott: Muy simple. If there is a problem, we taco-bout it right away. ¿Jew no like my Mexican music full blast? Just say to me “Escott, turn off discrepancy if we can find some cuntry music on KY103!” ¡Yust like Selma Hayek covered in jalapeños, the new Escott will be espicy and flexible! 

PK: Mmm...I love em’ spicy and flexible. Met this fine gymnast once in Belleville...mhm! One fine a...

Escott: ...fine is right Poo-key! ¡We will all be fine and we will win, because from now on, I will lead the Canadienses with a record number of ass-cysts! 

Max Pacioretty: I think it's great that you want to be an asset again. Butt will your ass-cysts help us around the back end as well as up front? (the whole room chuckles)

Escott: Patio-ready raises a good point. Jew can turn all my juicy ass-cysts into many explosions of puss-abilities to escore. This will bring the instant-anus result of infecting the hole team with the massive ball of fire that hides between my rosy cheeks. A fire that burn so deep and estrong, just like that one road trip when we all had the Jari Kurry chicken at the Wayne Gretzky restaurant.

Andrei Kostitsyn: Andrei miss Toronto trip. How hot fire will be Komrad Scottsky?

Escott: ¡Hay Dios mio Andres! ¡A fire so hot it could melt all of Siberia, freeing all of your relatives from the Goulash! ¡A fuego with so match burning, it would even make coaches Pearn and Martinez all fired up! ¡A fire so wild, coach Cunny-bunny would barge inside the room all bilingual and say “Holy smokes baby, someone please pacifier extinguisher to me now! Sortie de la chambre tooth-sweet!  A fire so...

David Desharnais: ...on a compris ostie d’tabarnak!

Escott: ¡Jess! Quite-a-knack, Escott have with the words. So now, we must all Hudler together and summon the great espirits of San Cristobal Huet. As we all pray anguish to make the playoffs, I’m alone every man in this room my especial stick. It was hand carved in Mejico with a rock, dipped in salt and worm lemon juice especially for me Tequila the Red Wings tonight.  (the room goes completely quiet) 

Josh Gorges: So what now Scotty, should we tap your magic stick for good luck or something?

Escott: ¿Que pasa Jorge? Did jew contract some long term disease? Datsyuks that jew would erect this Kronwall right at the Helm of my espeech. On this Eave my Gorges teammate, I will not be the Abdelkader of the crown I have earned as your King of the Ass-Cyst. ¡So touch my blessed wood now so that we may re-Kindl our playoff drims!

Josh Gorges: You're out of your fuc...

Rafa Diaz: ... so how should we touch joor Holly-wood in order to end it all in a climax of victory?

Escott: ¡Muy simple! Each player must grab it hard and rub it it tight between his hands. These will be the strokes of genius that will lead us to the 25th coming of the Lord Etsanley. So do it! Do it soda we can olive to see another day! Do it for the children who drim of....Wait! Where did everybody go? ¡Wafer me! ¡Wafer me! ¡Hay dios mio! ¡It worked! ¡My espeech was so excitating that they all  had to hit the ice half-assed as possible!  

FIN DE LA TERCERA PARTE

The Morning and Afternoon Bell and Habs-Bruins Game Preview for Thursday January 12, 2012

Today's honorary ringer: Mike Cammalleri.

So who cares if Cammy says it the way it is. He's pissed, he's not contributing, he's upset the new coach isn't using him to the levels he was used to and he uttered a few words that made international headlines.

Really, do we have nothing better to do than criticize Cammalleri for being pissed in front of a camera. Right or wrong, it's a trivial story detail. Let's get on with it.

The Habs now play the Bruins tonight, another huge test that will measure where the team stands right now. The first 2 games of 2012 offered slightly compelling narratives. The Jaro fest was ugly. It was a nice night for the Slovak but Jaro did not have to make 40 saves to win the game. The Habs made it easier for the Blues.

Another big opponent tonight with the Bruins battling for the Conference lead. Look at these Bruins as the new Flyers of the 70's, the Causeway Bullies. Tough from the goal out. Offensively creative, big on D, big up front, skilled, blue collared. After stumbling out of the gate, the Bruins are now poised to make another run. Forget the Habs, think of the upcoming playoffs as something to salivate over. One can only hope for a final 4 involving Boston, Philly, the Rangers and a team like the Devils or the Penguins. Heck even the Caps, outside looking in, can complete the formidable quatro.

Montreal has played decently if not to say quite well against the Bruins this year. It's a rivalry that just naturally extracts the competitive juices out of the players. Because a win against the Bruins, Leafs, Habs means more than a win: it's a psychological statement that rolls into the chapters that make up the continuous and never ending storyline. The Kovy hit on Tucker, the Chara hit on Pacioretty, whatever it is, even when the players are long gone, it continues to fuel the dynamics of the interminable script and therefore enhances the emotional volume of the next game.

Habs-Bruins means a win is more than a win. Montreal can say they took 3 out the first 4 of the new year and start using that as a swivel to propel them into a run for the playoffs that becomes more legitimate.

Tonight it means the team has to dedicate itself to impeccably sound hockey. Carey has little margin for error, the power play has to click, the D has to play a tight road game and leave the unnecessary fancy shmancy behind - yes you, PK, and the forwards have to skate hard and force the Bruins into costly mistakes. It's a tall order. An order so tall that it would look down and see Zdeno Chara's head.

Get Over It Ostie!

Le téléroman qu’a été jusqu’à présent la première moitié de saison du Canadien se poursuit de plus belle avec un scandale maintenant passé aux annales journalistiques du journalisme anal sous le nom ‘d’Affaire Cammalleri.’ J’ai été surpris de ne pas voir Lulu et Linda Hébert parmi les impliqués car un scoop comme ça, il n’y en a pas eu depuis que Pierre Lambert et Mac Templeton se sont fait prendre à sniffer  dans les douches du Colisée. Les propos de l’attaquant connaissant une saison médiocre n’ont rien de choquant car ils  nous rammènent tout simplement à une réalité qu’on a tous en plein visage depuis le début de la saison. 

La réalité est que la frustration ne peut que battre son plein dans le vestiaire d’une équipe qui tente d’arrache-pied de sortir de sa torpeur. La réalité demeure que les joueurs n’ont pratiquement plus le droit à l’erreur. La réalité est que la pression atteignant des niveaux toxiques ne fait pas toujours ressortir ce qui a de plus élégant chez l’être humain. La réalité est que le sensationnalisme doit d’une façon ou d’une autre être généré afin de nous divertir. Faute de voir l’équipe gagner, la réalité c'est que nous pourrons nous en donner à cœur joie d’ici la fin de la saison. Le cycle des nouvelles sportives compte 24 heures; bien assez pour allouer une heure de scandale par semaine à chaque joueur et d’utiliser des traitements de choc évoquant le grand Jacques Mercier.

By the way, good luck with your new home Michael. Just don`t give out your new address until we win ten in a row or until the media finds out about Budaj`s illegitimate Black daughter. I think we all know what will come first. As for ce soir, bring on the Champs! There`s mucho mucho work to be done against those we hate but have no choice but to call winners.     

   

Jaro comes to the place he never called home...

Tonight is an interesting one.

Jaroslav Halak comes back to Montreal to play goal for the St-Louis Blues, the team who traded for him after he led Montreal to a playoff run that was vintage St-Patrick. No Jaro, and the Habs run in 2010 would have lasted exactly 5 games.

But he was traded at the height of his powers in Montreal, as he was reaching superstar status. Not since Chris Chelios, has Montreal traded away such a young talent at the blossoming of his stardom. When Roy was shipped to Denver, he had done everything he could as a Hab, there was nothing left to be desired save for copy-paste, copy-paste, and boy would we have killed for a few more of those championships. But what we saw with Jaro was a player being sent out of town immediately after reaching improbable heights for the very first time.

It means he was never destined to be the Habs number one. Only a Stanley Cup could have possibly derailed the Price is a stallion movement started by Bob Gainey. The problem is that despite Halak's amazing performance, the alienation process began very early in his career in Montreal.

There's a reason my Jaro posts on Four Habs Fans came to be. No matter what Jaro did for the organization, he was consistently treated as second tier. He led the Habs to a late season surge when Cristobal Huet was injured only to see the last game of the season be given to Huet who hadn't played in weeks - a make it or break it game with everything on the line. They broke it and missed the playoffs after Huet let in a flurry of goals over 3 periods.

Then Price came in and again, no matter how well Jaro was playing in Hamilton, Price would be the future. Rarely making any appearances after a loss, the team never showed any confidence in his ability to overtake Price as the permanent leader between the posts. As the Canadiens failed to pledge allegiance to Jaro, Jaro did the same and the signs were evident that he would be leaving after the media scrum when the Habs were eliminated against the Flyers in the Conference Finals.

Now he's back, with a little chip on his shoulders; the game is being played a year too late, the significance of the return diluted by the passage of time. A little 2010 spring magic tonight may make it the special night it could have been.

Game Preview: Habs vs Jets

Two teams heading in different directions face off in the Peg tonight. The Habs haven't won since Newt Gingrich was #1 in the polls and the Jets are 6-3-1 in their last 10. They also have a great home record at 11-5-1.

In order to win this game, the Habs have to implement a very sophisticated system only a handful of teams have mastered. It's a old system but never fails. It's called the "score more than one fucking goal system".

I never thought the day would come when I would cringe after we score first. The Habs play like it's overtime right from the beginning of the game. The problem is that someone has to tell them that it's not sudden death in the first period.

Carey will be back in there tonight. I think it's time he steals one, even if the guys in front of him don't deserve it.

PK did a nice mea culpa after the game. Now we need a carpe diem. This bullshit has to stop tonight. We may not be a top tier team, but we're not this shitty either. At least give us something worth watching. I don't wanna see a boring game in which we competed. If we're gonna lose, let's go down in a 6-5 Blaze of Glory.

Oh, and can someone tell me where the hell Brian Gionta is? I know he's hurt, but I thought $5M a year bought a little leadership. Wanna address the coach change? The losing streak? A team meeting perhaps? The free ride is over Gio. Soon you'll be in the back of the bus with Gomez.

Game Preview: Anglo Habs take on Lucic-less Bruins

Ok, here's the deal. Saturday's game didn't count. We were all hopped up on Jackie's firing and we didn't really care about the Devils strolling into town. Randy Cunneyworth's NHL's coaching career starts tonight, against the seemingly unbeatable Bruins. So unlike Head & Shoulders users, Randy's got a second chance to make a first impression.

And the Gods must be smiling on him as it will be without Milan Lucic that the Bruins will take the ice tonight. He was suspended for 1 game for his hit on Flyers forward Zac Rinaldo. The hit was borderline and personally, I thought the Miller hit was more worthy of a suspension. Luckily this one game ban works out pretty well for us. This in no way guarantees a win but I'd rather take on the Bruins without Lucic any day.

Also, our fearless leader, Mr. Geoff Molson decided to get off his throne and address the coaching change. He took the time to get his assistant to write a lame ass statement. Get in front of a fucking camera and explain yourself. You're the President of an underacheiving team who's General Manager is right under Kim Jong Il and most hated man in South Korea. Thanks for the 12 lines Geoff. I'll remember that the next time I have to shell out $10 for a warm Molson Ex. You're the god damn owner. Get out there and say that the Montreal Canadiens want to win and they're not gonna hire a french coach in the middle of a season before a potential work stoppage just because the media says they should. And if you don't like it, go fuck yourselves. People are still gonna line up for tickets and buy your shitty beer.

As for the game itself, it looks like we might be without PK who's battling the flu. If he can't go, Diaz will take his spot. Cunneyworth will have his work cut out for him. Boston is tied with Philly for 1st in the East and is on a 4 game win streak, 2 of which were shutouts. The Habs have lost 2 straight, are without Gionta, Gomez and maybe PK. You know things are bleak when you start using Gomez as an excuse if things go bad.

Let's not get carried away here. The Canadiens are nowhere near as good as the Bruins. But we did beat them twice already, so we can throw that out the window. If we win tonight, it's because Carey stood on his head and the guys decide to win one for the Anglo.

Don't Expect Brière and Plekanec to Clear the Benches - Habs/Flyers Preview

What the Habs-Flyers Rivalry Once Was

The Habs are up against a tough team today. Philly has been so relaxed and ready for this game, forward Daniel Brière even had time to make it on l'Antichambre last night for the full show. I also heard that James Van Remsdyk co-anchored le Téléjournal with Bernard Derome.

Gone are Claude Giroux and Chris Pronger so the Flyers may have their hands full  a somewhat easy time handing the Habs their asses.

You've read on this legendary blog that with a power play running at a decent 20% the Habs would be in the playoffs. They wouldn't be world beaters, not by any stretch, but they'd crack the top 8 and make life interesting in Montreal for about 9 days in the spring.

If the PP wakes up thanks to Kaberle, then it's the 5 on 5 offence that we turn to. Cammalleri, Gionta, Gomez, Plekanec all being choked offensively. Cammy now looks like he's just removed emotionally. It would not be shocking to see him moved before the deadline if the Habs chances to make the playoffs have faded by then.

Montreal-Philly is always a good show because it showcases everything that's good about the NHL: hard hitting, skilled skating, the colour orange and weak mustaches.

Habs are going for 3 straight wins. Philly aiming for its 7th in a row.

Don't think for a second that this isn't a winnable game despite the Flyers hot streak of late. You take any team's top threats on offence and defence and you're left with a vulnerable squad. The Habs have to be opportunistic. If you look at a calendar and figure that you can't drop that game in November against the Blue Jackets, well it's got to be the same instinct when you're playing the Flyers who suddenly arrive to Montreal without Pronger and Giroux. The BJ game you can predict once the schedule come out, but this is an unexpected gift and it's important that the team capitalize.

We can expect to see Emelin back in uniform tonight as Diaz rests on his Neo Citran IV. Why it takes another player's cold to give this guy his regular spot on the team is beyond comprehension - but this is a Jacques Martin coached team so it's actually very much within the confines of comprehension.

OUR VERY CEREBRAL HABS-ISLES GAME PREVIEW

Game's in Montreal. Game's at 7:30pm. It's the Habs vs. the Islanders.

We'll be watching a show on the circumcision of gerbils instead.

Boom - A Movement For the Ages

Waldo? Charlie?? Andrei???

Les Rois Apportent des Modifications Substantielles

Nouvelles de la monarchie

La plus grande nouvelle ayant marqué l'histoire contemporaine des Kings se veut un revirement si foncièrement drastique que la fibre culturelle des rois en sera changée à tout jamais.

Jamais n'aurions-nous cru qu'une décision si importante se prenne avec l'indifférence attribuable à des chefs d'états. Au sommet de grandes corporations, des virages aussi stupéfiants méritent l'attention du peuple.

Pourtant la formule laissée loin derrière nous, dans la poussière, ne semblait pas avoir commandé une attention particulière. Les consommateurs avaient épousé sans tumulte ce que les rois offraient.  Mais les décideurs ont vu autrement et dans cette vision ils saisirent l'occasion de changer les choses dans leur plus profonde expression.

Les frites.

Les Kings de Burger ont changé la recette de leurs frites. Plus croustillantes, moins grasses, à meilleur goût, la nouvelle recette a su créer des ondes choc à travers le continent.

Nouvelles de hockey

Le Canadien est à la porte du dernier droit de son voyage dans l'ouest mais il faudrait se résigner sur le fait que le réel mouvement s'est fait vers le sud. Le sud du classement. La majorité des prédictions voulaient que Montréal revienne de ce voyage avec 3 points en banque. L'objectif est encore atteignable mais à ce stade il faudrait quelque chose de plus. Une victoire peu convaincante cet après-midi n'effacera en rien les doutes, fertiles dans l'esprit des gens sur la grande inconstance qui caractérise ce club.

Dans la logique de Jacques Martin cependant, nous verrons sans doute une première période en lion, une deuxième à dormir debout et une troisième à vouloir se tremper les couilles dans de l'acide. Jacques, nous te supplions de faire preuve d'empathie envers les testicules des Montréalais partout à travers le monde et d'ainsi trouver une formule qui verra cette équipe performer avec constance sur une échelle de 60 minutes.

On trouvera chez LA, une équipe similaire aux adversaires de jeudi à St-José. Capables d'une attaque soutenue, d'une robustesse efficace et dotés d'un gardien de but au sommet de son art, les Kings de 2011-2012 ont le droit d'ambitionner. Grands récipiendaires de l'échange Mike Richards, les Kings ont ravivé la flamme offensive de l'équipe au point où Anze Kopitar pourrait se faire offrir un poste comme guard avec les Lakers.

Le match est à 15h. Voulant dire sue des dizaines de milliers de couples ont commencé ce beau samedi par "pas sérieux, du hockey un samedi après-midi?!" Oui mais le soir est libre. Non, non Canadien express à 18h00.

Quessé que j'dois faire pour être un vrai bon PK'ISTE?

Savoir expliquer mon identité avec clarté, classe et élégance.

Ne jamais succomber à la honte.

Savoir vulgariser mon sport national.

Rester quotidiennement à l'affût de l'information sportive.

Tout savoir sur les meilleurs joueurs et leur équipement.

Scander quelques mots de plus que GO HABS GO!

Tout le monde chante! J'ai dit tout l`monde tab?%$!! 

Un plan de match qu’on respecte à la lettre -  Un gardien alerte - Des bonnes mises en échec - Des passes drettes sur la palette - Pis des lancers précis et secs - C’est comme ça qu’on va gagner nos épaulettes ! Mais quand ça va mal, quand on cale ou on dévire - Que j'voie pas un sale quitter le pont du navire  - C'pas à matin -non!- qu'on accroche nos patins - Un Flying Frenchman, franchement!, ça franchit sans flancher  - Allez–y les Habitants, quand vous la mettez dedans - Y a un petit peu de nous autres là d’dans - On est debout avec vous on ira jusqu’au bout - Pendant la saison c’est toute la nation qui vibre au même diapason - Comme quand le gens criaient "Guy Guy Guy" - C’tait en dépit du combat constant de la vie - Ça leur donnait des forces - Ils pouvaient bomber le torse - Voilà l'amorce d'un ralliement réussi 

On peut Gagner ! On veut plus que participer nous on veut - Gagner ! À soir on fonce sur la patinoire pour Gagner ! Si on se défonce pour la victoire, on va - Gagner ! On va gagner !  

Enfin on fait les séries, fini les folies - Là c’est baston et rififi - Boston, Philadelphie - Avec les fantômes du forum - On n’a pas peur de personne - Chaque homme donne le maximum - Pour que cette année soit la bonne - Au printemps la fìèvre est universelle - Pis y'a juste une place où la glace il faut pas qu'elle dégèle - Ici le sang c'est de la sève qui monte jusqu'à nos lèvres - Le cri se change en un chant de ralliement qui s'élève ( : Allez Montréal ) - Nos chevaliers sont en cavale pour ramener le graal à Montréal - Le tournoi est un chemin de croix parsemé d'émoi - Mais la coupe on y croit, - Comme autrefois, on a la foi - Pis si c’est pas c’t’année, ben comme dirait René “ à la prochaine fois ” - Québécois ! 

On va Gagner ! On veut plus que participer nous on veut Gagner ! À soir on fonce sur la patinoire pour Gagner ! Si on se défonce pour la victoire, on va Gagner ! On va gagner ! Allez Montréal!

Du sang neuf depuis 1909 avec Jack Laviolette, Lach - Pitre et Pit Lépine en passant par Newsy Lalonde et Joe Malone Aurèle et Morenz  Hains', Plante, Gump et le Concombre, Pocket Rocket, Boum Boum, Cournoyer, Coco, Carbo, Casseau, Naslund  (Oublie pas les anglos, yo ) Toe, Dickie, Doug et Scotty, Shutt, Larry, Ken et Bobby L'arrêt de Roy , rebond, Butch Bouchard à Savard, vers Béliveau qui esquive un joueur Passe à Lafleur, Lafleur accélère remet au Rocket Richard, deux hommes sur le dos, rien de trop gros ET LE BUUUUUT! 

 On a GAGNÉ, on a gagné!  Allez Montréal! On veut gagner! On peut gagner! On va gagner! Allez Montréal!  On veut gagner! On peut gagner!  On va gagner!  

La p'tite devise d'avant match

 

Il n'y Jagr de raison de Pronger vers une défaite cet après-midi. On peut bien crèmer Philadelphie en misant sur le fait que ça devrait bien Eller avec notre ma$$eScott qui nous encouragera à partir de la maison. Youppi!

Habs/Canes Game Preview

A game for the ages in Carolina tonight.

I've been more interested in mute Norwegian documentaries about oil spills off the coast of Tanzania.

And yet play this game the team must and write about it we shall.

The Canes have won 2 in a row but have made an admirable job of being a fairly crappy hockey team. The defence has fallen apart and the loss of Cole may have hurt Eric Staal more this time than when Coly went to Edmonton.

Sophomore Jeff Skinner is putting up a point a game numbers and therefore seems to be the only true player exempt of harsh criticism. Paul Maurice is hanging on to his job by a snail's pubic hair.

You know what there is to know about the Habs. Gill is back tonight so look for a steady penalty kill. Fred St-Denis will be watching from the press box.

This shouldn't be a hard game for Montreal who should have learned from their mistake in Long Island last week. There have been enough bed wetting games this season to live long and mighty in our memory banks. Time to take it to the weaker teams and put them away like the good one's do.

2 FOR 1 Legal Essay/Game Preview: Chara Case Dismissed: Why Now?

The Case

Last week, the Crown prosecution decided that it didn't have enough evidence to try the Zdeno Chara case. Without sufficient proof, there would be no sense in investing time and tax funds towards a compromised file. Nobody saw enough to mount a convincing dossier that would ultimately lead to a conviction.

Zdeno evil. Hear no evil.

The Chara-Pacioretty incident dates back to March 8, 2011. It goes back a few more weeks when you take into account the mini-scuffle that broke out after Pacioretty shoved Chara from behind following a Habs overtime winner. Chara took exception to the cheap shot and may or may not have registered the incident for future use. That specifically, the motive, the premeditated nature of what transpired on March 8 will always remain a mystery to anyone not named Zdeno Chara or God Almighty. And last time I checked you can't subpoena God's files so the Crown would always be lacking in hard proof.

The case is interesting because you can be sure the pendulum would have swung the other way had Pacioretty been left in a wheelchair for life after the hit Chara levelled on him. That is frustrating because Pacioretty was only a faint distance from that fate. The act in and of itself remains the same. The intent to injure and the premeditation that one may only speculate on are as nebulous in one scenario as they are in the other. You can be certain that what got Chara off was not the lack of evidence but rather the mild long term effects of the injury.

So why dismiss the case now? Some of you may know that although I blog professionally and have become extremely powerful as a result, I also practice law full-time. Although I'm not a criminal lawyer and have a personal distaste for that brand of our trade, I do understand the general construct of our criminal system. You can't discount two essential facts - One, the prosecution only tries when it's virtually certain it will win and Two, P.R. is a very prominent consideration in the fabric of criminal cases.

Over 400 000 criminal cases are brought into the criminal system every year in Canada. On average, the words "not guilty" are uttered only 3% of the time. The files are either settled out of court or dropped altogether as soon as the crown deems that the weakness in its file presents enough of a dent to justify some form of judicial restraint.

So why did the Crown take so long to bow down?

This is where the public relations come into play. Imagine someone is charged with a hit and run. The media at first swirls around the story: the first shots of the body bag on a stretcher, the family in tears, the first glimpse of the accused shuffled into a court room. At these early stages of a file, the spotlight is very ON and the public isn't ready for a compromise. If you're going to settle a file, you do it when the story dies down, when the risk of public outcry has diminished enough to do the deal in relative tranquility. You do it when the media isn't swirling around in droves. I was once asked to wait for a settlement around Christmas time where things are usually quiet and people are less concerned with these types of stories.

Imagine the backlash had the Crown made its decision to not pursue the matter a few weeks after the incident. At the time, everyone had an opinion on the topic: the NHL, the league's major sponsor Air Canada, the media, Max Pacioretty, Geoff Molson in a letter to the fans. It was the story du jour.

Today, nobody really cares and when the story broke last week on the Crown's decision to drop the matter, it almost went unnoticed. It was an afterthought, a side story. It's exactly what the prosecution wanted. Quiet, subdued and subtle.

Quiet, subdued and subtle. Not how we can expect to depict tonight's game.

The Game


The only thing that would serve as a truer measure of where the Habs actually stand today is if tonight's game were in Boston. Games on Bruin ice always stand as a brutal test of fortitude and resolve. But a game in Montreal against these same Bruins will do.

Boston is riding a monster winning streak with 8 victories. The Bruins like the Habs have overcome a slow start and are gunning for a spot in the top 8. They look like they'll get there and stay there for the rest of the season.

Montreal is a confusing team to say the least and it's looking more and more obvious that the inconsistency is attributable to a decimated core that is trying to cope with life in the NHL as a B team. Too many injuries to too many key players. It's incredible that they are still hurting the league's best teams in spite of their depleted roster.

Cole and Pacioretty are still huge. TP is selke smooth. Carey is unfazed now by his poor start. Gomez began something on Saturday and we look forward to a carry over effect. Otherwise we invite him to carry his bags over to Hamilton.

It should be a dandy.

Gomez or Go Home - A Family Tale - Episode 2

Episode #2: Que la gloria vuelva

Escott Gomez, no longer physically injured but demoralized by recently having discovered that the man who raised him may not be his biological father, is soaking his worries in Tequila and mumbling to himself at his favourite Mexico City Alaskan 70’s Disco gay bar, Taverna IditaRod Stewart. The friendly Barkeep Camarero, aware of Escott’s recent debacles, is keeping a watchful eye.

Escott: Palushaj-ay-ay-ay-ay...I juiced to have so many Gorges drims but I rectum all. Judo know what can heppen en la vida. One day, jew are day bess Mexican-Colombian on ice that’s not a dead body from the drug war, and the nest day, no papito, no coontry and all the people they throw rocks at jew in the street. La vida cheese no worth living! No guey! One more botella de Tequila Camarero!

Camarero: Escott my fren! Tranquilo! Eslow dow! Jew no want to leave here so drunk someone taco jew so hard jew pass out industry. If jew really want to restore joor pride an honor, all jew need es... (dramatic organ chord) Salazar.

Escott: ¿Javier Manuel Rodríguez Miguel José Sánchez Manolete De La Baptista Aroza Carlos Salazar?

Camarero: Correcto Escott! Only the most famoso Torrero in the history of Méjico can give you the training so estrong and estra-añus that it will sin falta make you a hole new men! I Anchorage jew to estart with him mañana.

Escott: ¿Mañana ?

Camarero: Si! Mañana! Salazar is a busy men. Jew no want to see the opportunity to train with him go pasteurize like every single puck since cinco de febrero 2011.

Escott: Lo siento Camarero but I can no do this. Ever since Papito made me shoot my favourite sled dog Pepe because I miss practice, I can no estand so mach cruelty toward animals. I was at a PITA rally with Habibibulin just last thirsty shouting: “Subban the bull fight! No more kill White seals with Blunden objects! The Diaz of overfishing Camalleri are over!” We Campolied there all night to prove our point until this cop come entice me up to a tree...

Camarero: ¿Reelly? ¿En serio? If jew think jew can save the Bulls, urine over your head. Even if you want to marry this cause Escott, you cantaloupe tonight!!

Escott: Ice chest playing with jew pendejo! I have no love for the Bulls, I love this-purse too mach!

Camarero: So come with me Escott, wheelchair a taxi to my tia Racial’s place and mañana the Bulls will know Juarez joor name. The fear in their ojos will be instant anus.

Just as they are about to get into their taxi, Escott and Camarero suddenly feel a gust of wind and are blinded by a pure white light.

Camarero: ¡Hay dios mio! Es la Virgen de la Macarena coming to Grant Hugh the power to the-feet da Bulls.

Escott: Jew are rye! The Virgen will give me the moves like Jagr and the wisdom like Great-Ski.

Camarero: ¡But wait Escott! ¿Jew hearing that sound? ¡Es un helicoptero with the shoe of the horse representating the rancheros de todo Méjico!

Escott: ¡No Pendejo! Son los Gloriosos, los Canadienses coming to bring me beck!

Camarero: ¡Harry harry Escott! Que tu gloria vuelva, major drims come beck...major...

Escott: (interrupting) ...there is no time for es-peaches and Pekkas on the cheek. Tell Salazar I will be beck. I will no Rene on my promise to fight the Bulls, but I must go to Esteve Nashville to Carey the team Under my wood. Do not Waylon and Wynette for my departure as I must play my Parton in a Swift victoria contra los Predadores (even more dramatic organ chord).

FIN DE LA SEGUNDA PARTE

Martin Goose and His Imprinting Habs - Leafs Game Preview

Oh Lord, the insufferable bore that is Jacques Martin has rubbed off on his players. Simple, it's called imprinting. When baby geese are born they mimic their mother goose.

Kirk Muller, the charismatic voice of the room, the mentor, the rallying point, the bridge between the bland blandness of coach Martin and his players - gone. Is the room affected by the void? No clue. It's all speculation, but hell it's staring to look as if this coach can't find the chemistry in the room or behind the bench to whip the boys into form.

A loss to the Leafs tonight and you've got to start believing that the countdown begins somewhere in Pierre Gauthier's mind - even though he may also be part of the bland equation. Missing playoffs, firing coaches, this is the banter you begin to hear when you begin the season with the first 10 games being a write off.

We're almost there, serious questions time. Imagine what a 2-10-1 record would look like. It's a huge mountain to climb and trend to reverse. Maybe the blessing in this is the 2-4 week absence of Scott Gomez. Maybe Lars Eller finds the promotion he deserves and the team responds to the annoitment of a new important centre. Maybe that spells the end of Gomez on the top 2 lines, and inevitably of Gomer in Montreal. But with that contract, how do you move him? Buyout, minors, whatever it is, it's going to be ugly.

Tonight, they HAVE to win. The season is 7 games old and they have to win. Scary.

Wouneded Two-Headed Monster is Still a Force: Habs-Pens Preview

Who on God's green earth is James Neal and why does he have more goals than the entire Eastern Conference?

How do these Pens not miss a beat when their killer duo is on the sidelines. They pulled this trick before and they're at it again. Sans Malkin and Crosby, coach Bylsma gets in there and enforces a backup system the team believes in and buys in to. Not a shabby feat. He adds a suspended Kris Letang to his list of problems now but this guy can coach and as we saw from last year's HBO special he can act, and cook and be a good dad and husband. Sounds good to me.

Coach Martin on the other hand, dealing with similar injury troubles can't seem to find the team's rhythm nor create any sense of system. Are they a firewagon hockey club or a defensive clam? Are they a trap team or is there enough distance between the D and forwards to run a marathon?

Price waits for 100 Ws and why this is suddenly a story is beyond me. PK looking for adulthood. Gomez looking for a point. Cole looking for a goal. Gill looking for a win on this 1000th night of regular season hockey. Kudos to him.

Win and breathe or lose and risk a serious downslide after a difficult game against an always antagonizing leafs team on Saturday.

Don't kid yourself, the season is early but this is an important game. Not playing to standards for a leader that Gill has become will have a reverberating effect on the room. Win it for the big guy boys and let Price and Gill fight over the rights to the game puck.