Game review: Habs closer than ever to top 2 picks

The boys kept it together and lost last night. It looked like they might screw it up and win but cooler heads prevailed. If we end up 29th by 2 points, we'll all have Carey Price to thank. That brutal giveaway on the Flames 5th goal was pure genius. Like Stephen Hawking genius. Thank god Carey took things into his own hands. With people like Pacioretty and Desharnais actually trying to win, he had to step up.

Unfortunately, Cammalleri had a bad case of the pussy last night. He couldn't play, that's fine, but opted not to speak to the media either. I'm just bitter that Bourque layed another egg last night with zeros across the board and a -2.

If Montreal needs a new slogan to attract tourists and business people to our city, I suggest this: "Montreal, where careers come to die; in french."

What's the Use, or the Point, or the Purpose

Benoit Pouliot finds it conduct befitting an ex-Hab to look like Jaromir Jagr plugged into a walkman playing Mozart when he comes back to play on Montreal Ice.

Tim Thomas has to look like an epileptic octopus when the Habs leading goal scorer, Max Pacioretty, appears to have him beat on the shootout.

Erik Cole raises hope when he ties the game at an improbable 3-3 in the third after the Canadiens seemed done for heading into the sworn enemy that has been the third period of a hockey game.

When the Habs play the Bruins, there's enough happening on the ice to create intrigue.

Unfortunately intrigue is a weak substitute for points which the Habs are in dire need of after the Leafs beat the Oilers in overtime last night to restore a fairly commanding 8-point lead over Montreal.

It's becoming senseless to reference the standings. It's like having an open thread about a Fidel Castro speech: yup, he's still talking, yup, it's still boring as hell, yup still talking...

But we're paid to blog for free because we have to  just really love the game so much we would do anything for a buyout offer to just be part of the conversation.

I liked Randy Cunneyworth a whole lot last night. It's the first time in a long time I see some form of emotion coming from a Canadiens bench boss. It's Montreal/Boston and Randy got into the spirit of things. I have to say, I'm encouraging him to pick up a bescherelle because I see no reason for him to not stick around a few more years.

AK has made his first real polarizing off-ice statements and the coach rewarded him with about 13 minutes of ice-time and enough power play time to chew and swallow a mini tic tac. Phone calls will be made and a deal may have to occur now that AK has changed his tune about definitely wanting to stay in Montreal. To be specific the tune was:

- I want say in Montreal, Montreal good. I play hockey.

Now it's more like:

- Montreal, no good hockey, where is suitcase.

Life will go on without you AK, as did most games in which you participated.

The Habs are sellers now. PG and the gang must attune themselves to this reality. Jump on the blessing in disguise that was the loss to the Canes to clarify your mission statement: dump salary and rebuild for next year. Don't make that little 4-game winning streak a trojan horse you'll ride all the way to 9th place and a shitty draft pick. And don't waste time thinking about horses wearing trojan condoms. That won't get you anywhere either.

I'm hoping for some movement soon because we're going to have a hard time avoiding the redundancy that is reviewing meaningless games. It's like watching the GOP leadership race.

The Morning in the Afternoon Game Review Bell

Today's ringer: Amnesia.

What you call a collection of athletes who forget what it's like to copy paste what they did to earn a victory a mere 5 days ago.

The Habs lost more ground. Last night was the nail that sealed the last drop on the buried camel's broken back.

Game review:

We love you, David Deharnais, Erik Cole, Max Pacioretty, Alexei Emelin, Carey Price and Josh Gorges.

You can go now, everyone not named David Deharnais, Erik Cole and Max Pacioretty, Alexei Emelin, Carey Price and Josh Gorges. Wait, PK, I want you to stay, I just don't trust you anymore.

So Mach Meny Thenk You Mentr...Na!!!!....Fak You Mentreal!!!!!!!!

You sey goudby to me Mentreal??!! To me Jaro?!!

I take Canediens teem to final of four and then coch Martoun and Ganey and meneger Gothier say ok Jaro good play Jaro, see you soon Jaro, have fun in beaches of St-Louey Jaro!

THEY NO BEACHES IN ST-LOUEY COCH MARTOUN!!!

So I move to Louey Blue teem to pley hackey. I take my girlfriend bland girl who lav me mach and sey Jaro, you so golie, I follow you to Louey and we become femily there together. Ok, Ok, girlfriend bland, you come with me to Louey too and I sey I lav you everyday so you wash my clothes and ears.

I remember before to leave Mentreal I go to sport shop to sign my name. So mach fun for me Jaro. I sign, Cari has hepoutatis, Love Jaro! Or Stay Strong, not like pounis of Cari, Love Jaro. Or Thenk you for the memorees, and for the mamorees of Cari girlfriend, Love Jaro.

So great day for to sign my name! I even sign my name on boob of women who sey to me Jaro that she come to Huey Louey with me and wash my ears too!

Everyting so to great for me Jaro in Louey bluey. I see rainbow from my balcony everyday! Big white rainbow that never go away even if no rain or sun! So weird rainbow in Louey, just big and white with no colors!!!! Oh Louey, you so rainbow!!!

We came to Mentreal last nite and I go back to my gol at bell centre. Mentreal with no Jaro pley like my cousin in Bratislava who play bleck ops on box x. she so bad!! I sey cousin, you no choose goldfish to kill chilean terrorist?!!! Oh cousin! You so chilean!!!!!

Louey pley so good we win stanley cap for sure this year. Mentreal win maybe tickets to Teylor Swif cancert.

Last nite was so Jaro! Mentreal same teem. Andrei still have poopilepsie, and Ploukanec still from bad neyborhood in czech republic and went to public school, and Poukay still think he have to moonwak on ice to score gol and Hal Gill still bump head everywere he go!!!! Gill! you so Eifel! And Cammoulari who have amnesia of brain and forget to score gols.

And my friend Cari. Stupid, fat wale ass huge ice cream face, hipoupatamous mouth, ugly cowboy ooh look at me i have hat of dally parton and bobs like her too fat wale Cari fat wale.

Cari pley so bad again last nite. My gad I think Cari need to play banjo all of life. Maybe he pley song and we sell it with free can of tuna for my Jaro busness!!!!

Last nite, ploukinec from bad neyborhood come to me Jaro on brekaway. SAVE JARO!!!!

Then stupid bland labrador dog Larzeller try to score. SAVE JARO!

AND POUKAY the dancing machine....SAVE JARO!!!!

I make 326 saves last nite and Cari have 43 gols behind to his ass!!!! Then fans pick me Jaro star 1 of game and I go out and i raise my hand and one finger in my glove!!!!!! Hahahaha, no like Ferrence stupid mankey who forget Jaro trick!!!!

Goodby again Mentreal! See you in 2 years when I came back with Vajina trophee, Peter Jenings, Stanley cap, another stanley cap this one maybe a bit smaller, lady bing my new girlfriend (sorry mister bing!!!! hahahaha she mine now!!!!!), MVP, and new recipee for stew I make for coch Hitchcock. Best name coch! Teem call me Jarocock now. If you proud of it, why no put it in your name??? No Cariwalefatassicecreamfacefatwale?

Game Review: Habs lose to Flyers

There is both good and bad that can be taken from last night's tough loss to the Flyers. As a pessimist when it comes to this Jacques Martin coached team, let's start with the bad.

First, if you're gonna lose, you want the best players on the other team to beat you. Not Harry Zolnierczik. Who the fuck is that guy and why can he score on Carey Price.

Next is why the hell Mathier Darche played almost 17 minutes. That's unheard of. The Flyers score almost 4 goals a game on average. You're not gonna stop them. We needed a goal all night. At every moment of that game, we needed a goal and Jackie sends out our 4th liner and his minimum wage salary to get it for us. Louis Leblanc ties the game up at 2 in the 2nd and doesn't see the ice in the 3rd?? What kind of coaching is this? A retarded monkey would know to give the kid a regular shift after that. Nice goal kid! Now sit down, shut the fuck up and tell your mom to stop cheering.

9 power plays. 9. 1 goal. 1. Somewhere in there was a 12 minute 5 on 3 that yielded less than my RRSP.

Cammalleri has gotten a free pass the last 2 years because no matter how shitty he is, Gomez is worse and makes even more money. But the clock is running out and the guy who scored 13 in the playoffs alone 2 years ago is a handful of games away from wearing out his welcome.

And now the good news: We didn't get blown out by one of the best teams in the East. Leblanc scored. Cole is a monster. Kaberle is on pace for 100 assists. Desharnais continues to be the best bargain in the league. We get to see the Habs on HBO.

As usual, the negative section is 5 times longer than the positive. Somebody kill me.
How much catch up hockey can a team play without it affecting its psyche. Every time you tie and the other team pushes on with another go-ahead goal it becomes more and more demoralizing.

You have to admire a Philly team playing with as much gusto as the Flyers did last night without their two best players. They didn't miss a beat. But being informed of the loss of their captain for the rest of the season plus playoffs is an enormous hit to take.

It essentially means the 37-year old Pronger may be done for good and that he's played his last game. The entire season now spins on winning it without your leader. New voices will begin to emerge in that locker room.

Voices - you get that coach? You need a voice to get anywhere. Miming your intentions won't work.

The best thing you can hope for is for HBO to have gotten Brière to open up about why he chose Philly over Montreal, then show footage of him crying Barbara Walters style.

A Timeline: Letang passe lentement

First period


Opening seconds of the first frame. Crosby breaks out of his zone, feeds Kunitz at centre ice for a short pass. Kunitz makes his way into the Habs zone, breaks at the top of the circle and sends a shot on Price. Malkin buries the rebound home. 1-0 Pens.

One minute later. Kostitsyn, Eller and Moen break into the Pens' zone. The forecheck leads to a turnover as the puck is retrieved by Moen who buries a writs shot past Fleury. 1-1

At the 12-minute mark, Pacioretty feeds Cole with a sharp cross-ice pass through the neutral zone. Cole writs a shot on Fleury who lets out a big rebound that Deharnais picks up. He immediately feeds Pacioretty at the top of the circle who fires a shot past Fleury. 2-1 Montreal

Second period

Early goal disallowed as Kunitz directed puck in net with his arm.

9 minutes left in the period. Subban shoots the puck wide from the blue line. It bounces of the boards behind the net and is picked up by Pacioretty at the side of the goal. Pacioretty makes a nice back pass to Erik Cole who one-times it past Fleury. 3-1 Habs.

3 minutes left in the second. A failed clearing attempt is knocked down at the Habs' blue line. The puck is then retrieved by Pascal Dupuis who turns around and fires a shot that eluded the defence and Price. 3-2 Montreal.

Third period

Another disallowed goal as Kunitz barrels into Price on a breakaway.

Montreal plays on their heels all period. Price makes several saves on odd-man rushes. But Staal manages to break free and lifts a beautiful shot over Price's right shoulder to tie the game. 3-3

Pacioretty breaks Letang's nose on a controversial hit.

Overtime


Letang, back in the game with a pin in his nose, comes in over the line, feeds Neal who pirouettes a shot on  Price. Carey drops to his knees and freezes the puck with his glove.

Neal and Letang bat at the puck. PK Subban goes into the dressing room to repair a skate. Mike Cammalleri has a drink of Gatorade at the bench. A fan in the blues goes to the washroom to relieve himself. A full bottle of ketchup is turned upside down and empties itself drop by drop. No tapping is applied to assist in this process.

The liberal party calls a new commission on the construction scandal. Charest announces the news via a press conference in Quebec City. The last autumn leaves fall off the branches they had been clinging on to so desperately.

Two snails who had been courting each other make love. The female snail is impregnated. Mother and father snail search for a warm place where mother may lay her eggs. She waits patiently as the father leaves for the winter to gather food. He returns to find 4,567,854 daughters and 2,457,677 boys. He's relieved as he was really hoping for a son.

I sit back and watch Jesus of Nazareth, the director's cut.

Jews erupt in elation as the Messiah arrives in a small village near Jerusalem.

A Norwegian mediator negotiates the return of the Palestinian refugees to the promised land. Ban Ki Moon is over the moon.

The Sagrada Familia is completed.

Suri Cruise celebrates her 40th wedding anniversary.

The world's oldest blind woman runs and completes a marathon in a potato sack, in 30 centimetres of snow. In a shocking twist, she removes the potato sack to reveal that she has no legs. My son graduates from college summa cum laude.

Apple announces the iPhone 52 S.

A small asteroid completes a rotation around the sun. The sun completes a rotation around the galaxy. A new galaxy is found by a Tanazanian astrologist.

It is reported that this new galaxy enforces a rule that when a goaltender drops to his knees and freezes the puck, THE REFS BLOW THE FUCKING WHISTLE!!!!!!!!!

The Leafs win the Cup.

Letang scores. Pens win 4-3.

It's Easier to Believe it was Cricket: Habs/Flyers Game Review

Human beings are adaptive creatures. We draw on various defence mechanisms to cope through pain, to overcome obstacles and shield ourselves from the reality of life. We are self-avowed con-artists.

So I can sit here and type away about that awful performance by the Habs in Philly yesterday afternoon and deal with the reality of that game on its face. Or I can deny it ever happened, entertain the lie for a few more moments and quarantine the memory of the last 40 minutes of yesterday's game.

And I could pretend that it was a cricket match.

Philadelphia finally reached 3 all out in reply to Montreal's and left-arm spinner Claude Giroux sent back Carey Price and Petteri Nokelainen early to raise India's, er... the Flyers hopes of an unlikely victory,

Nokelainen gave the Habs reason for hope early on however, Giroux (34 not out) and Hartnell (27 not out) then thwarted the visitors to take Montreal to 3 for one at the close.

Despite injuries to key players, Giroux who took five wickets in the second and third periods, scored 2 to bring the smiles back to the faces of the Philadelphia crowd. The second period which lasted 7 and a half hours was an example of Philadelphia's dedication to excellence.

Jakub Voracek hit 15 boundaries and two sixes in his 118-ball knock and steered paceman Kimo Timmonen to the third man boundary to bring up his century. He departed to the next puck, miscuing a pull shot to leave Montreal trailing by 2 goals and wondering how much worse it could have been if Jaromir Jagr and Chris Pronger had been in uniform.

PK Subban, who forged a crucial partnership with Carey Price to save the West Indies, er Montreal, from following on, said: "He came out and started playing shots...he was pretty relaxed, the confidence from his bowling rubbed off. That boy can bowl good.

"He has taken wickets in the series, getting a hundred is always special for a bowler. But what's the point in getting a hundred if coach Martyin wants you to do more? And make chicken curry. It was good to have Noki scoring from one end, I could bat myself in and spend more time in the middle. But coach Martin insists that I stay back and let others bat in the middle."

Master batsman Pacioretty, unbeaten on 67 overnight, hit three boundaries and a six in the session and looked set to secure the coveted ton that has eluded him since he last made three figures in the 50-over World Cup.

With the whole of Philadelphia celebrating every run charge Montreal's second period came to an abrupt end on when Giroux edged Price to Canadiens captain Gionta at second slip.

Price trotted off the pitch furious, he was batting out of his crease trying to get the ball a little fuller.

"So I realised that and pulled back my length a little bit. So it was just the right ball at the right time. It's unfortunate, things like this happen.

"We had our plans to unsettle him a little bit. We are fast bowlers and our bouncers are our armoury and we tried to use them as much as possible. We tried to attack Philly a little more and tried to make them uncomfortable."

The visibly frustrated goalie trudged back to the pavilion, slowing down briefly to catch a replay of his dismissal.

Subban had a better game and the only other false shot in the game had come on Thursday, during the first period, when he edged leg-spinner Daniel Brière, on 58 but wicketkeeper Yannick Weber failed to hold on to the tough chance.

Erik Cole, playing his 184th Test, has scored 51 centuries in Tests and 48 in one-dayers.

The right-hander displayed a wide range of attacking shots in the morning against the second new ball, including an upper cut six off the paceman over the third man, before he fell in the 90s for the second time since his last ton.

Scott Gomez is unlikely to bat again in this Test after Montreal avoided the follow-on and will either have to wait for the one-day series against the Bruins, if he opts to play, or the four-Test series in Toronto.

Meanwhile, Mathieu Darche (52) brought up his maiden half-century in Tests, and with Mike Cammalleri took Montreal past the follow-on mark.

Unfortunately captain Gionta did not last long either, clean bowled by Giroux for eight to expose the visiting team's tail.

I Found the Solution: Habs 3 - Yotes 2 OT

Well kids, DC has joined your Habs for their tilt against the Predators tomorrow night. He texted me last last night after Gorges potted the OT winner against the Yotes: "Fuck it, this is too cool, I'm going to Tennessee and you can't stop me".

Radiohead said it best: This one's optimistic.

As you all know, I have a small child. I want to protect his identity so let's just call him Ichael.

Ichael is now 7 months old. And I personnally think the comparisons we can draw between Ichael and the Habs are striking. They're both in the early stages of a developping process and they're both feeling the pain of it.

For instance Ichael is teething. He's drooling all over the place and grimacing in pain as he tries to find room in his little mouth to shove any stuffed animal, napkin, finger or remote control he can to soothe the pain of his erupting teeth. It's a sight to behold. In this quest Ichael will not be denied. No matter the size of the object that lies in the boy's path, it will end up in his baby jaws.

The mounting injuries on this team, Cammalleri, Gomez, Kostitsyn, Campoli, Markov all gone for various lengths of time, have brought to the fore some kids we were not really supposed to make household names of. Palushaj, Engqvist, Blunden, Emelin, Diaz. That's a full line up front and one third of your defensive tandems.

I'm told that you can throw any bag of tricks at the teething problem, nothing really works. Ice cold teethers, maybe a drop of Tempra, numbing gel, celery sticks, paprika, caviar. Nothing's going to help. The child will suffer and it's all part of the process of growing up. Well the same applies here, nothing coach Vanillableh tries will curb the fact that:

• Emelin is learning what it's like to play on a small sheet of ice with skaters that in a far more mature and skilled league;
• Blunden should think about being a wicket keeper for Pakistan's national cricket team and abandon the notion that he can play hockey;
• Engqvist is less noticeable on the ice than a flea fart in a hurricane;
• Diaz is really a Mexican restaurater and not a Swiss professional hockey player;
• Palushaj will always live in the shadow of the other silent "j' on the team, Budaj.

These young kids will drool and there's nothing you can do but watch as their proverbial teeth begin to protrude. We've gotta be patient because the real solution for these not ready for prime time players is the return of the big boys and the tragic trapping of Scott Gomez in carbonite. 

But every now and then the kids surprise even themselves and rise to the occasion. Last night in Phoenix was a good indication that the teething ones can still make life interesting. Engqvist and Shout did well and probably played his best game in the pros. Physically implicated, offensively aware, Engqvist and Shout got my attention. The kids played an honest game, they kept it simple and avoided Blundens in their own end - and the vets took over.

Captain Gionta had his best game of the year and added a few more pages to the chapter in his biography entitled It's About Fucking Time. Cole played a smart and powerful 60 minutes and drove to the net with purpose, the purpose of making life miserable for Mike Smith, he with the ordinary names. Pacioretty also read the Coles notes.

And what can we say about Gorges. Took a rattling, bouncing puck and slapped it past a helpless Mike Smith, he with the ordinary names.

It was a nice evening, made more enjoyable by the fact that Plekanec's back wasn't shredded to the bewildered proportions of the Greek economy.

Last night, you sat back and watched your kids learn a bit. Yes the drooling and shoving of your new iPhone in their mouth resumes tomorrow but for a few moments there, it felt nice to let go and watch them grow. We've spent the last 19 games, including pre-season, watching him learn how to be Andreas Engqvist, the terribly shitty hockey player. Now it's time he learn to be just Andreas, the shitty hockey player.

Narcolepsy on Ice: Oilers 3 - Habs 1

(do you see the syringe?)

That son of a bitch king of pop murdering bastard was at it again last night, shootin' up the whole joint with his propofol.

He injected loads of the stuff in the Habs's buttocks, enough to kill a horse...or to emulate Jacques Martin. And then the Canadiens took us through 57 minutes of rockabye baby. Snoozapalooza sans the obscure grunge band.

The Habs are playing Dangerous, although if you Wanna be Starting Something with the Oilers you're way better off trying to be Invincible because in the end They Don't Really Care About Us.

I mean c'mon. Chamon! Do you really think the fans will want to come back to this bore if the team continues to play like this? Will You be There? I know I won't.

At one point, I felt like Coach Martin just forgot to coach a power play. Where the hell was PK on the first wave. In the washroom Freeing Willy for a piss? Seriously I don't understand, it's Black or White; either you wan't to win or you don't. If you don't agree with this just Leave me Alone. I mean of course I wanna Rock with you and have a blast at the game and all but really, I'm starting to lose the desire to shell out a g-note to see these shleps steal money from me; Geoff Molson is a Smooth Criminal for being able to pull this farce off.

I mean the only thing I can look back on with any kind of fondness is PK gunning down the ice like a Speed Demon. He wasn't playing dirty. Diana Princess of Wales would have been proud of his gentlemanly play and the way he kept his cool after drawing a penalty on an illegal check in the corner.

Emelin played a better game last night and doesn't look as lost as he did before. Sure he can call any player on this team a real Stranger in Moscow because the North Americans don't know the Russian league and would also require an adaptation period but really after a while, you can't be playing that Bad. Seriously though, This is it, you either start to show up for every game or you go home, Emelin.

Do you Remember the Time when the Habs were unbeatable at home? The crowd used to be so instrumental. Not this year. It's quiet in there. Where is Gionta? Is he upset that the boys aren't giving him the same affection this year? That may be the case but if I were Gio I would Keep it in the Closet and not let that stuff leak into an NHL locker room. I don't agree with it, and that kind of phobia makes me wanna Scream but for now, it is what it is. But this is a message to Gio; Keep the faith duddy, You are not Alone. You can blame the damn establishment in the NHL, blame it on the dinosaurs that run this league. Blame it on the boogie - man, Gary Bettman who haunts our dreams. Who do you see Gary? Are you proud of this? Who is the Man in the Mirror and are you proud of him?

I'm done. I apologize for being political, it's in my Human Nature. But in the end, the Habs have to dust themselves off and do this thing. Stop blaming the coach, propofol drips or the homophobic NHL. Just get it done. It doesn't have to be a Thriller every night. Jacques Martin doesn't coach for exciting games. He just teaches the basic ABC and expects you to follow suit. Just show up, Shake your Body and work your ass off.

Now Beat it.

An Hour Later...

An hour late, yes, that may well be a fitting theme for the weekend.


Yes, it's been said that the Ranger jerseys are now black and white striped. We have to agree with this assessment much to our dismay.

A late high stick call on the diminutive Gionta.

A winter wonderland call on PK who's attempt to disguise King Henrik as the Swedish Frosty the Snowman, Frostig the Snojmun, made me chuckle.

A Shannyshank Redemption call for interference for a great clean hit on a player who, gasp, had the puck.

Minor penalty after minor penalty going New York's way. Start spreading the news, the refs were awful last night.

So were the Habs in the first period though. Numb through the initial 20 and watching from afar as the Rangers built a 3-0 lead. like we said, an hour late. Cher posed the all-important question, if I could turn back time. What would the Habs do if they could turn back the clock? Well, for starters, they wouldn't have taken the first 43 minors of the game and played 34 minutes in the first period short-handed.


Then some key guys would have shifted their lingering thoughts from a swanky night on the Manhattan town back to a night's work at the all-new (?) MSG.


Also hitting more posts than a compulsive blogger was probably not part of Jacques Martin's game plan, mainly because we seriously doubt Martin had a plan to begin with. 


Some solid play by Cole, Pacioretty and AK gave us some respite from the eternal yearning for a comeback. Pleks was ferocious on the penalty kill. And cutting a 3-goal lead to 1 made us all believe in a mini-miracle on 34th street but a back breaking Brad Richards wrister put an end to all that jazz.


In the third, the Habs took forever to harness the muscle they showed as they mounted a surge to make it 3-2. Give the team some credit for making it interesting late and cutting the lead to one again but playing from behind for nearly 60 minutes is only interesting when you are looking at geometrically beautiful butt cheeks.


Michael Blunder made me shriek in pain as Mcdonagh (hi there Montreal, ho hum) separated him from the puck quicker than a nationalist movement in Catalonia. 


I did enjoy the new camera angles that the newly positioned cameras give the viewer at MSG. It was way closer than the usual bird's eye view we are afforded. Last night felt so close I thought I was at the private viewing of the players's colonoscopies. 


Putting it in perspective, it's the first loss in 5 games and what  could have materialized into an embarrassment for Montreal last night only turned out to be one for the renewed idiocy of NHL refereeing.  

Pacioretty Grants Coach Martin Stay of Execution

Finally, we can show you our new banner (look up).

Ligaments shmigaments.

Max Pacioretty took the entire team and its droopy dog old coach on his back and carried them to victory last night. It was courageous and inspiring and beautiful and made me feel all tingly like when that kid is skipping in the fields during the opening credits of Little House on the Prairie.

Determination and will. Look no further than Tomas Plekanec trying to shovel a puck past Philly goaltender Ilya Bryzgalov and Pacioretty taking matters into his own hands by slamming this goal mouth scramble to its definitive end. Pleks was poking at the puck, Pacioretty put his whole body into the effort. Game set and match.

If Governor Pacioretty made the call to grant Martin a stay, you have to think that Carey Price dialed the number. Price put the stiffness to bed (please interpret that in any direction that suits you, they all work and are probably all true), shed the Pretty in Pink look and moved back into his familiar groove. It felt like October 9 all over again.

Philadelphia is the shadow of the team it usually is when Chris Pronger is in uniform. With their bone crunching army of sulphuric fury resting a wounded eye at home, the Habs exposed Philly's D-men during the entire second and third periods. The Habs played with a second wind we haven't seen since Irene went from a tropical breeze to a topical bore (thank you CNN for your 3-day world is coming to an end coverage because it's drizzling the flow of hamster pee in New York City).

Coach Martin mourned the loss of Perry Pearn (we'll get to that later today) by doing damage on the special units previously under Pearn's coverage guidance. Montreal scored a power play goal but their play 5 on 5 was strong and continuously on the attack. Erik Cole is starting to show signs that he can be Hall without Oates and soon our kiss will be on his lips in gratitude for his play.

But as Quentin made The Wolfe once say....let's not start....

(you fill in the blanks)

So maybe back to reality tonight my dear friends. Or maybe not. Check out your Bruins record this season and that Stanley Cup banner hanging at the Garden may be the only thing to feel good about in la ville des fêves right now. 

Just pray that Governor Pacioretty continue to find it in his heart to spare the poor coach's life.

Game review: Habs vs Les Pantheres. Tabarnac.

DC reporting live from the sunshine state. That's right, I came to Miami to watch the Panthers play in Montreal. Well there's not much to say after that. So I thought I would comment on what it was like watching the game in Miami on the Florida Panthers home feed. It was....interesting. And by interesting, I mean embarrassing. The reason I say this is the announcers have no idea what's going on. They must have made 50 mistakes ranging from funky pronunciation (Youvi?) to completely insane analysis. The epitome of this incompetence was beautifully displayed when they showed Henri Richard signing autographs in the crowd. Steve Goldstein then says: This is a treat, Maurice the Rocket Richard is here tonight, winner of 11 Stanley Cups. Are you serious Goldstein?? The Rocket's been dead for over a decade. Stop snorting sunscreen and pay attention.

Back to the pathetic display. Let's start with the good news. Jackie used a timeout. And that concludes the good news. I don't care that we got 40 shots. That was the silver lining against Buffalo. This was the Panthers. THE PANTHERS. Perennial 13th place finishers. the team who's goal every September is: Let's just be better than the Islanders. The team that sells its tickets for $6. This is the team that gives us trouble? And who the hell is Mike Blunden? Mike Blunden doesn't get to play for the Habs. I think it's safe to say that the Habs would lose to actual panthers. Panthers with skates on would beat this team. Panthers with skates on, coached by Barry Melrose. Tabarnac.

Game Review. Guess What?! Habs get pushed around & lose. Again.

This is very difficult for me. I usually relish the moments I can make fun of the Leafs for sucking. But they've beaten us twice this year and the Habs are making it very hard to stand up for them. Good thing I am not an objective reporter. Leafs suck. They always start strong out of the gate and end up losing 10 of 12 after. They ain't making the playoffs. Right? Plese say I'm right. I feel better now. Besides, I have bigger fish to fry.

My fish is Jacques. I know he's not on the ice. I know the team is ravaged by injuries. I know that the same players who played great vs Buffalo 5 days ago also sucked vs Pittsburgh and were mediocre vs the Leafs. It can't all be his fault, but man does he make it easy to blame him. Are there any other playoff teams out there who keep throwing a 500k/yr player on the 1st wave of the PP? I like Darche, I really do. In fact, his mother was my elementary school teacher. I think he's a valuable piece at a good price. But on the PP? The guy has cement hands and can't finish. And why can't you call a fucking timeout once in a while?? I remember screaming at the TV when Carbonneau wouldn't take one. I thought it was inexperience behind the bench, but Jackie has 6000 games under his belt. Is he saving them up? Does he think that unused timeouts can be traded in for a free 12 inch sandwich at Subway? Or maybe he thinks he can accumulate them and use them all in the last game. A coach's job is to get the best out of his guys. We might not be a cup contender, but we're not a 1-6 team either.

It's clear our blue line is in shambles. Carey can't see anything and gets run over all the time. Even Gorges made a huge gaffe on the Kessel goal. That never used to happen. We've got $10M in defensemen injured and it's really starting to show. With these kinds of defensive breakdowns, there's no way PK can do his thing.

And you know what hurts the most? Getting the loss shoved down our throat by none other than fucking Grabovski. I've never wanted to punch someone in the face more. Good thing the Habs rarely give up talent for nothing. Right? Please say I'm right. Well, unless you count Ribeiro, D'agostini, Sergei, Guillaume and McDonagh (remember him, he's kicking ass). Look up their stats. We'd be lucky to have them. Thank god for Pouliot. He's still crap.

Thanks Bob/Pierre. 1 out of 7 ain't bad. Just like the Habs record.

All Downhill From Here - The Avalanche in Montreal

Things seem so complicated during a losing spell. Therein lies the cure - simplify the game.

The Canadiens have lost the ability to defend their zone. Opposing forwards scream through the Habs blue line at will. Carey Price cannot stop a puck anymore than Erik Cole can get one on net. PK is looking like the foolish rookie trying so hard to do so much, only to cost the team that much more.

3 games out of 4 now, Montreal hasn't just been bad, they've been last place bad. In that scare we also find the comfort: the season is only 4 games old.

The boys frankly can't play much worse in their own end.

The unfortunate thing is that Montreal's poor defensive showing completely eclipsed some inspiring play at the opposite end as the team held a wide lead in shots over the Avs throughout the game. The forwards were overshadowed on a night where Hall Gill looked like skating was the most arduous task anyone could as of him, where the rookies turned in rookie performances that featured rookie mistakes such as taking a penalty late in the third that allowed the Avs back in the game. A determined Travis Moen looking every bit like a power forward, Lars Eller showing quick hands and spontaneous skill, Kostitsyn playing loose and Pacioretty renewing hope in Montreal that their long awaited natural scorer may be on the horizon  -  all this laid to waste by uncommitted, unfocused, incoherent defence.

It's a downhill slope these Habs are engaged in and as word spreads around the league that anything inside the Habs blue line is a free for all things may get far worse. No reason to throw the life boats to the water but there is cause for concern. Why so deflated on Thursday for the home opener? Why so easily prone to shut down for the last 2 periods during the season opener in Toronto? Is this group that took the eventual Stanley Cup champions closer to the edge than anyone else simply believing they are that good instead of going out there and proving it?

The season is young, the answers will come. Some of the injured will heal and the team will define its own sense of bonding. But there appear to be glaring holes on D so for an organization that prides itself on having hired a defensive specialist to man the bench, this should merely be a matter of early season tweaking.

Tweak fast.

The Avs, Leafs and Flames were all greeted with biscuits and tea at the Montreal blue line. Carey is alone and so far incapable of posting bail for the deficiencies before him. And when time came to take responsibility in last night's shootout, he wasn't up to the task.

Discomfort, worry, unease, these are all part of the conversation. Coach Martin has some work to do to get the players out of their heads and have them recommit to the simplicity of the game.

The Lost Boys - The Only Game Review that Matters

I reckon that a few hours before the home opener against the Flames, Geoff Molson rallied his marketing team at the Bell Centre offices.

It probably went like this.

- Molson: Lookit, the game starts in three hours and we got no opening ceremony.

-Random staffer: Yeah, Geoff, we've been trying to tell you for weeks that we have to get..

-Molson: SILENCE! (imagine him sounding like Ian Mckellen there). We've got a ceremony to prepare and it's gotta be perfect! The years past have been awesome. That 24 theme with Jack Bauer with Kiefer being all kickass Jack and stuff, wooooo! And the awesome music over the years, U2 and the Killers, just instantly recognizable great stuff. And what about the montages. The home to rink one a few years back or last year's comic book strip. Man those were too good. Well we've gotta be that good today.

- Random staffer: Any ideas?

-Molson: Where's Ray Lalonde?

-Staffer: He doesn't work here anymore.

-Molson: What the fuck!?

-Staffer: You didn't know he left?

-Molson: Focus people. We've got a major show to put on here.

- Staffer: What's our budget?

- Molson: Seventeen dollars. You've got 3 hours and 17$ to set up the best damn opening bit this city has ever seen. Now that's the best working conditions I've ever heard of. When I was a kid I used to make honey ale by extracting honey drops right out of a bee's ass. It hurt like hell. Ok first things first, what kind of music do we use?

- Staffer: Arcade Fire's big right now, local gig, Grammy win..

- Molson: I GOT IT! We're gonna play a song by INXS!

- Staffer: Really?

- Molson: Fuck yeah really.

- Staffer: Which one? Bitter tears, I need you tonight? Suicide Blonde?

- Molson: Never heard of em. No, we're going to play a song from INXS from the soundtrack of the movie the Lost Boys. It's called Good Times. Kiefer was so badass in that too!

- Staffer: What?

- Molson: Yeah and for the montage, we're gonna take the old home to rink clip the team shot a few years back and you're gonna photoshop the heads of the old players like Saku and Kovy and shit and replace them with today's boys. People are going to FREAK OUT! It's gonna be so cool.

- Staffer: Geoff, I don't..

- Molson: Shushh, I'm on a roll here. Then I want you to tell Michel Lacroix to introduce the players in totally random fashion. No alphabetical crap, and don't get me started on numerical order. Just toss the names in a bag and throw the players out on the ice in the order the names pop out. Totally hip stuff.

- Random staffer: And where do the players line up?

- Molson: In a circle like last year.

- Staffer: Should we tell them where to stand.

- Molson: Are you freaking serious? The guys know how to stand in a full circle. Ok that's it. INXS, song only I've ever heard of, Lost Boys, rehashed montage, perfect circle at centre ice! 17 bucks, 3 hours. Man I've got goose bumps.

Editor's note: We're pretty sure the Lost Boys theme had a trickle down effect. Habs looked somewhat foggy, Flames looked sharp and Kiefer Sutherland's ego was stroked gently. 4-1 and Calgary made it look easy. Driving home during the third was a no-brainer. Just like opting for Good Times by INXS from the soundtrack the Lost Boys, a movie that came out in 1987, a year where nobody cared about the song Good Times or the movie the Lost Boys.