Monday, January 21, 2013

These are the days of our Habs

The season is one game old and the line juggling is already starting.  Bourque gets a promotion, Gallagher gets a shot, Galchenyuk gets to play center and Eller gets the shaft... and those are the days of our Habs.

I can already foresee the soap opera type drama unfolding this shortened season.  You ready for it?  Here goes...

Bourque gets an undeserved promotion, which triggers a series of events.  First, in a fit of rage, Eller decides to flex his danish muscles and build a replica Lego Bell Center that he smashes with his hockey stick.  A broken piece of Lego flies onto the ice and Galchenyuk skates over it, causing a major wipe out that severs all ligaments in both his knees.  The doctors decide to amputate.  The shock of this news sends an already fragile Tomas Kaberle in a downward spiral.  He goes missing for 4 days.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch (Brossard), Carey Price is branding cattle in between practices.  He mistakes Colby for Bessy.  Now Armstrong has a big "CP" on his ass.  This wouldn't be such a big deal but his wife thinks CP stands for Christina Punani , his Indian porn star ex-girlfriend.  She obviously divorces him and falls madly in love with Josh Gorges.  Gorges, who has a girlfriend, is now caught in this love triangle that results in him having a threesome in Bergevin's office.  Bergevin catches them in the act and decides to offer PK unlimited threesome access as part of his deal.  PK thinks this is a sweet deal and signs an 8 year deal.  On his way to his first practice, he is distracted by a naked Kaberle roaming the streets.  He crashes his Prius (shocking, right?) into a fire hydrant and the airbag deploys into his face and destroys his money making smile, killing all his endorsement deals.  With PK injured, Markov regains the #1 defenceman tag.  While at his Russian Citizen Anonymous meeting, he breaks down and admits he can't take the pressure.  He also says he prefers Quebec's Poutine to Vladimir Putin.  He is found dead the next morning with cheese curds where his eyeballs used to be.

All that because fucking Bourque is on the second line.

And they say Montreal is a tough place to play.


Michael R said...

I've heard Vladimir Putin tastes awful

DarthAlexander said...

Whatever happened to the days of keeping lines together for longer than five minutes in order to build something called chemistry?

Watch - Therrien is Martin's secret lover and Martin is really coaching the team.

Steve said...

Why does he not bring back BGL and in a fraud scandal the bell center is lost. The habs play on the frozen St Lawerance. Its just more grooming of the battlefield to make room for the tank.
Eller to Vancouver for a bag of pucks, you heard it here first.


panthers sucked big time - but Markov did not. still not planning the parade just yet

Switch out Kaberle for...! and, who knows?