Game Preview Sharks vs The team formerly known as the Habs

Ok, so last night was clearly a disaster none of us want to relive. So what is the best way to get over it? Move on to the next game? No. We will dwell. When I turned off the TV last night, I felt like a parent leaving the house while their child was quietly studying in their room. What could possibly go wrong? Well, the child stopped studying the minute I left, called some friends over and started snorting cocaine off a dead hooker's ass while chatting with Jerry Sandusky.

Regardless, the Habs must reload tonight against a much better Sharks team. Want some even better news? Markov isn't playing. He's not even in San Jose. Apparently he stayed in Anaheim to check out Disneyland. News Flash Andrei: You make $5.75M for doing dick all. Your whole life is Disneyland.

I think that Jackie should come clean and level with us. Andrei Markov is dead. They found his twin brother Nikita, slapped some skates on him and asked him to practice with the team while they figure out how to break us the news. And even if he does rise from the dead and play, what difference will that make? We'll lose by 1 goal instead of 3? These issues go far deeper than what 79 brings to the table. The guys don't seem like they even want to be out there.

GMs usually decide after a specific game if they're gonna fire the coach. If last night's game wasn't the final nail in Jackie's coffin, then we better get used to seeing him and his 213 identical emotions behind the bench for the rest of the year. There's no point in firing him when we're out of the race. He even sucked the life out of PK. PK Subban has been smiling since he was in the womb. Jackie stole that smile. He stole it, pissed on it and then burried it under a mountain of boring.

My last shred of hope is Habs Logic. According to its theory, we should win. If we don't, I'm gonna kill myself.