Mr. Gauthier's New Year's Resolutions

Am I dreaming? Did this team just sign a player mid-season? Josh Gorges just inked a 6 year extension at 3.9M per. It's about 400K more than I would've thought, but Mr. Gorges is an essential part of our team. His stats are good and he's a born leader. He's also in his prime at 27 years old. No complaints here.

I don't think I'm dreaming because if I were, Pierre would get canned and replace the guy who plays the spoons in front of Ogilvy. So I'm clearly lucid. Perhaps this is a New Year's resolution. I'm all for it. Time to move on to Price, PK and Pacioretty. If this is a resolution, here are a few other suggestions I have for Mr. Gauthier:

1) Don't be a corpse
2) Quit
3) Ask Larry Carriere permission to take a piss
4) Go to the gym
5) Take Markov's doctor out for dinner and verify he actually went to school.
6) Take dancing lessons with the Missus
7) Borrow some testosterone from Brian Burke
8) Get laid
9) Find out what a physical centerman over 6 feet tall is
10) Quit

If he does all that, I'll have a permanent erection.