Thursday, March 8, 2012

Game preview: Habs get set for oil wrestling match

The Habs are playing tonight and RDS has a story about the impact of the front page. This is what this season has come to. Hockey is being looked over for MLS soccer. For shame! Does anybody give a shit about tonight? Does anybody truly care? I for one do. I am on a mission to finish last because I think it's for the good of the franchise.

You see, I'm a parent. The Habs are my kids. My kids are good for nothing drug addicts. But every year, they manage to hold on to their crappy jobs and survive another year. I can't convince them to lay off the pipe because to them, everything is fine. They get their pathetic paycheck every week and continue their useless existence, barely making it. What I need is for my kid to hit rock bottom, so they have no choice but to go to rehab. If I let them keep doing it their way, it may never happen. They could stay in this situation for years and years. So what I'm gonna do is sabotage their life (for their own good, of course). I will set up a sting operation with undercover cops. My kids will try to sell them some crack and a BJ and then...BOOM! Arrested for distribution and manwhoring! They spend a couple of months in a jail cell with Bubba and Tyrone and next thing you know, they're straight as an arrow and can't wait to go back to school and become surgeons.

That my friends, is how you parent.

So tonight, we have 29th place within reach. If they fuck this up and win, I will freak the fuck out. And can someone explain why the hell Carey is still playing every game? Give this kid a break.

Tune in next week when I explain how it's better to have Scott Gomez murdered. For his own good, of course.


Angry Habs Fan said...

You're such a great father Don's Cherries!

Righteous said...

Seventeen years of hot, steaming, melting, dripping manure, and still counting.