Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Bathing Babies and Buffalo - A Habs/Sabres Game Preview


So Don's Cherries and I found ourselves in very similar situations, being metrosexual men of the times. Modern Men, men women want to marry and have many babies with. And as modern men, we espouse modern thinking, like hell ya bring on gay marriage, and of course we endorse a black president and of course Entourage would make for an intellectually earth shattering movie.

You see Don's Cherries and I (we'll discuss Panger tomorrow...you won't want to miss that - and GG tells all on the ledge here) both have young children. Very young. To be honest, DC and I are not married to one another although our wives may have something to say about that. But DC and I click because we have children and we parent the bejeesus out of them. Spokes people for Gerber call us everyday to take pictures of us because they want a new logo; DC and I both cradling the Gerber baby.

This game review, yes this is what it is, comes to you courtesy of both DC and I not being able to post sooner. I called DC an hour ago, I said I'm alone with the baby, I can't post now and I have to give the one with baby man boobs a bath. His response to me is bathed in symmetrical realism. "I can't post right now, I've got to give the baby a bath".

Evidently, DC and I aren't living it up Don Draper style telling the women what to do while we sleep with our mistresses. We bathe our babies before we post. And then we dry them, and we put zincofax on their baby butts and we sing to them to deter them from possibly peeing on themselves. A rush against time and baby bladders, baby bladders you should know having the patience of a 20 year old man with ADD on a cocaine binge.

Now you must take cognizance of one fact. The baby bath is a scary place to be. There is water and a baby, for starters not my favourite combination. Then there is water and urine. The urine is usually introduced into the water early into the bathing process. One has to make amends with this very quickly and look beyond the fact that yes, my child is taking a bath in his own pee. Then there's the head bumping on the tub fear. Will baby jolt his head back as water splashes into his face and crash his head on the edge of the baby tub? And then you can't forget the jolting forward and splashing face first in the water. Will you fish him out the water quick enough before he ingests a lethal dose of soapy urine infested water?  And then to make it all perfectly harmoniously terrifying there's the Cirque du Soleil acrobatic wonder that is taking a slippery soapy baby out if his bath and draping him in a warm towel without dropping him in horror to the floor.

I think this draws a much wanted comparison, if we, DC and I, are taking our kids to their baths, can the Habs bathe in victory tonight?

Can they wash the mediocrity out of their game?

Really.

If the Habs took a page out of your bloggers' books and acted like responsible adults they would take the business to the tub. Rub-a-dub-dub style. Wash your children, you Habs. Be mindful, be adults. Stop playing in your own end like it's that crazy freaky colour ball zone at Ikea and make the sheet of ice you play on the tub you bathe your children in; the place you go to become men.

9 comments:

Public Domain said...

patience & duty (baby butts or habs prospects) lead eventually to glory (healthy well-adjusted young adults or Stanley cups)

there's no such thing as 'quality time' just fucking quantity

go habs go.. but clean up after yourselves!!!!


wv: I wish I could be Don D too.. I'd go under the name Gearmo.

Steve said...

I have two children. One is now at McGill, and the only reason for that is that I never bathed her. In Japan the bathtubs are rotated 45 degrees vertical. In a society based upon men cheating, the men must bath the babies in this we coffins. For me it is like God granting every wish to the most demented Priest. So I salute you new age men, and point out that it was a central theme of lasts weeks Dexter. Will this opinion get me backtracking as fast as my one saying that women hockey players in the Hockey Hall of fame should be represented as pylons? If you have to wash the kid there is only one way, a powerwasher, lay some plastic on the garage floor.
I never saw my mothers genitals, the first time I saw my Dads in the locker room, I thought hey maybe I wlll be better than the best man I ever knew. It did not happen but that time gave me hope.

GoldenGirl11 said...

I blame the urine/soap infested bath water on the17 year old throwing three interceptions today at his football game. l blame the 57% in math on the head smash against the tub.

Steve said...

I will be on QVC with my baby powerwasher.

Steve said...

For all those that think gnarly is a great adverb.
http://fr-ca.justin.tv/exou09#/w/1931119408

Anonymous said...

Your slightly self-indulgent urban-suburban Renaissance Man neopadre Julie-Julia(my wife made me see it but I loved it because I might have a vagina) exposé entertained me a tickle. But for Schalit’s sake, can we please get back to some hockey before I eat 2 of my 4 offspring after bathing them in chocolate (only two would be really crispy)? FHF offshoot becomes For Homebound Fathers???? DPJ will be at your door before you can say Ron Tugnutt 3 times fast (try it it`s fun). I come to you to escape and piss off my Federalist fiends my silk clad Pkiste Chérie d’amour. I get enough “relating” when I’m fake listening to other Dads at PTA meetings. They grow up so fast...

HabsFan4 said...

Anon my love, tell me what's on your mind.

We have no pp?

Gomez of new?

Pkists everywhere are worried about pk's headspace?

Carey me softly with this shot, Carey me softly?

Let us know. We're here to talk.

Supernova said...

Er, has anyone watched the game last night?

Anonymous said...

Any or all of the above 4! I'm just a discerning PKustomer. A PKYaro post for Old Time's PKsake might sooth the PKmasses. PkShalom