Thursday, October 27, 2011

Game Review, but mostly : Fucking Perry Pearn.

Well, it's obvious what the problem was. After stinking up the joint against some of the NHL's worst teams, the Habs just put together 2 impressive wins against teams that on paper, are way better, tougher and meaner than them. Although the Habs didn't play their best, they played their game. Keep it close against a better, stronger team, lean on your goalie and capitalize on your chances. Might not be the prettiest win, but at this point, we need wins like HF4 needs black tar heroin and male strippers.

There can only be one explanation for this sudden turnaround. Perry Pearn was a cancer. And not just any cancer, testicular cancer. I'm gonna role with this analogy. The Canadiens are a scrotum. A scrotum that was once robust but that has wrinkled in recent years. The players are one testicle and management is the other. In the management testicle, Perry Pearn was a malignant tumor. The tumor was about to spread to the other nut, but as we saw in the last post, Molson chopped it off. So the Habs are now a monoball scrotum. That could be the most acurate analogy every conceived.

But it's not just that he was a malignant ball tumor. I can't reveal my sources, but I heard that he was the one that ruined Markov's recovery by smashing his knee with a sledgehammer... He's the Kathy Bates of the NHL. He's the one who distracted Carey on that shitty goal tonight. He's the one who counseled Geoff Molson on letting Ray Lalonde walk and taking over the marketing department. He's the one who told Rejean Houle to trade Roy. He's the one who told everybody to panic about Y2K. He's the one who shot JR. He's the one who put Nelson Mandela in jail. Fucking Perry Pearn. If we win Saturday, he is officially the antichrist.

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

I totally blame the pink gear.

Steve said...

Pearn will be running for the Conservative Party in the next Federal election.

Anonymous said...

Perry Pearns broke up the Beatles

soperman said...

Perry is not a good hockey name.

Barry

moeman said...

So that makes Gauthier the limp dick?

neverbeenpkissed said...

DC....You...are a flower. A flower slowly blossoming with each passing post. An unparallelled symbol of romance and beauty for some, a respiratory enducing allergic nightmare for others. The flower will thrive and then eventually lose it's petals. It will wilt away and scream in agony at season's end. The dying flower will wander the world only to come back home. Once home the flower will encounter comfort; comfort only to be found between hf4's legs and enhanced by his gentle humming of that old Irish limerick 'sleep tight my cherries,sleep tight'

Josie (aka GoldenGirl11) said...

@never
you need to lay off the 'shrooms

HabsFan4 said...

@never

yash

Don's Cherries said...

Nbpkissed, if your goal is to freak the shit out of me, you're doing a hell of a job. Lay off the sauce and please don't kill me.

neverbeenpkissed said...

@gg: like you always Photoshop clean & sober? Gimme a break (yeah yeah)
@hf4: yummmm!!
@DC: the last 53 days prove you have nothing to worry about. Just ask my parole officer and my aa sponsor. Go cards!