Thursday, October 27, 2011

Perry Pearn What Were You Thinking!

Molson: You guys see how many empty seats in the stands last night?

Gauthier: It wasn't so bad.

Molson: It wasn't so bad? Are you fucking crazy? Do you know how many hotdogs I brought home in a doggy bag?

Gauthier: They give you those?

Molson: I paid for them, who else they gonna give em to? Until someone pays 12 bucks a pop for them they've got my name all over em.

Gauthier: This team needs a boost. I don't know what to do. Maybe I should call a press conference and say some weird shit again.

Molson: It's that freaking Perry Pearn man, HE'S KILLING ME!

Gauthier: Pearn, really? I don't think he's got that much of an impact.

Molson: Are you kidding? He's our special units guy.

Gauthier: Yeah, and our special units are real special. I'm very attached to them.

Molson: What the fuck are you talking about Pierre. Don't give me that weird press conference shit again.

Gauthier: Ok, I agree, we need to shake the boys up, getting rid of Perry will scare the pants out of them.

Molson: Good stuff, but there's more. I want someone from the training team to randomly turn off the lights  in the room at some point today while the guys are suiting up. Maybe one of the trainers even screams boo! Scare the shit of the boys and get their heads on right. That'll set them straight for the season.

Gauthier: What?

Molson: Then, I want you guys to carve a hole under the long dining room buffet table and have a guy pop out of the spaghetti serving bowl and scream Boo! and scare the shit out of the players. Fuck that'll show these guys to slack off.

Gauthier: This is your idea of motivating the team?

Molson: I used to take honey out of a bee's ass to make the honey ale when I was a kid, Pierre. I told you that before.

Gauthier: Geoff I'm really confused and my head's starting to hurt.

Molson: Fucking Perry Pearn. You know I caught that cheap bastard using a Samsung tablet? At the rate we pay him he couldn't even get a first generation iPad? You know he still uses BETA video to work on reviews with the players? I hear he even asked PK to play with sunglasses on the point to freak the other team out.

Gauthier: Who told you this?

Molson: Mathieu Darche, he tells me everything.

Gauthier: Last week Pearn was playing poker with the other assistant coaches and he goes all in with a Jack-10, off suit. Who the hell goes all in with that hand? I'm telling you he was killing this team.

Gauthier: That's not a bad hand...

Molson: You know what did it for me? He brought a bouillabaisse to a pot luck at our house last year. How the fuck are we supposed to eat that? Bring me a salad, a cake, a chicken for god's sake!

Gauthier: What's a bouillabaisse. Does it taste like coriander? I don't like coriander much. Never cared for the stuff really.

Molson: Hey Gauthier! WAKE UP! We've got serious issues here and you're talking to me about coriander?! Get down there and fire Pearn's ass.

Gauthier: Will. do.

Molson: But offer him another job within the organization. Tell him we want to keep him on as a cook. That bouillabaisse was fucking delicious.


Steve said...

The facial hair alone was grounds for dismissal.

Public Domain said...

barely time to catch breath and.. oh look who's next!

wv: Can Cammalleri call any pals in the Mossidi to rub out Chara?

neverbeenpkissed said...

Sports Psychologists all agree that sacking his best friend is the sure fire(d) way to bring the spring back in your Head Coache's step!?#$ Gauthier's bizaro decision making and communication skills prove the "V" theory of aliens already having begun colonizing Earth en masse.

Steve said...

Burka made Ron Wilson fire all his friends and the Leafs still suck. A fish rots at the head.

Kmaxx said...

@HF4 - Another classic - excellent read!


soperman said...

And they are 2 and 0 in the Post Pearn Era. It must be the team meals.