Thursday, October 20, 2011

You say potato, I say poutine.


Well, this blog has been up and running for about a week and there has been no mention of the french vs english jihad yet. Well that stops right now. Why am I bringing it up you ask? Simple. The Habs have lost 4 of their 5 first games and that can only mean one thing... fire the coach and GM! We're 2 weeks into an eternally long season and some people are already calling for Martin and Pierre's heads. And whenever the shortcomings of the Montreal Canadiens head honchos are brought to light, the next question is always: "Who do we replace them with?" Well as of right now, there is not only slim pickins out there for bench bosses and GMs but there is also no chance Jackie and Pierre are even on the hot seat. So again, why am I bringing this up? Because the language debate within the management of this organization amuses me. It amuses me because it's so fucking stupid. Let me start off by saying that by definition, I am a francophone as it was the first language I was taught (sarcasm isn't a language, is it). I'm also happy and proud to consider myself fully bilingual. If you meet me for the first time, you will probably have no idea what language I am more comfortable with. And there in lies the problem. People need to be more like me. Case closed. What's so hard about liking both sides? When I'm within Canada, I'm proud as hell to be from the coolest province. Let's face it, without Quebec, Canada may just be the most boring country ever. We may be corrupt and drowning in debt, but we have the hottest girls, the best restaurants and nightlife and what we refer to as "des danses à dix". But when I leave the Country, I'm also proud as hell to be Canadian. Why is that so hard to understand???

As the poster boy for frenglish bilingualism, I can sympathize with both sides of this debate. On one side, it makes absolutely no sense to limit yourself to a small section of an already tiny talent pool by having to select a french speaking coach or GM. On the other, the Canadiens are not just a team, they are an institution here in Quebec. It's actually the most recogniozable symbol in the province. More than Mickey Mouse and the crucifix! So is it so crazy to think that the masses want to be able to connect with the leaders of the team in their own language? No it's not. But....

Over in Europe, they play a game called football, only with a sphere shaped ball with a checker board pattern on it. I've seen this game played, but only on the eastern part of this island by people with funny accents. My point it that over there, this game (that is only relevant here every 4 years) is more important than life itself. Anytime you think hockey fans are the most passionate in the world, stop wasting your time. Those people make Habs fans look like Expos fans. So if England is able to have a swedish head coach for their NATIONAL team, why can't the Canadiens hire Mike Babcock? There are countless examples of other prestigious franchises all over the world who hire coaches of different nationalities. I know the Swede speaks english, but don't you think there is a qualified Englishman somewhere who can coach a soccer team?? I use Babcock as an example because should he ever become available, 28 teams would be lining up to kiss his ass. The only 2 not in line would be the Wings (they just fired him remember?) and Les Glorieux. And that my friends, is completely insane. You know why? Because even the most closed minded bill 101 lover would sell throw principles under the bus for a parade down Ste-Catherine. There in lies my issue with this whole debate. The frogs that preach on the french side just want something to complain about when we lose and the blocks on the henglish side have no idea what it feels like to be outnumbered and feel like your culture is slipping away. Nobody really cares. The only thing we know for sure, is winning cures everything.

Mark my words, should the Habs ever win it all, there will be more half french half english babies born 9 months later than ever before.

Yours truly,

Les Cerises à Dônald

10 comments:

Steve said...

The obvious solution, hire a Swiss.
Martin is a dammed fine coach if your goal is winning. However he lacks the spirit to break through to the cup. Look at last year as evidence, oh shit we were one goal away.

Kmaxx said...

@DC (as I am now want to call you as I basically too fuckin' lazy to type it all out) - I have never read a more spot on article. I happen to live just outside of London (England) and the passion the English have for footie parrels what we all here share for the Habs. When they hired a Swede - you would have thought the world was going to implode. When he turned out to be more interested in shagging fit blondes (NTTIAWWT) than winning the World Cup, he was replaced - with an Italian! He continues to win fuck all and everyone wants an Englishman to be hired next. All anyone here wants is for the English to win again. They are the same as the leaf - they have won fuck all since 1966 and every year they plan the parade after the first win of the season. The season always ends with them watching the finals from the bed of some hooker they picked up in Spain. Now as far as Babcock coaching the Habs...I don't know - maybe...but it's a shame he didn't speak French...

Steve said...

Mr Cherry, could you paste your before and after HTML for the picture. I have the same problem but when I increase the size I loose resolution.

James said...

Spot on. Love the blog. Bookmarked and now part of daily hockey reading...

I'm all for firing big-ears Jacques but as you say, there's no replacement. Unless we bring Carbo back? Went well last time right?

neverbeenpkissed said...

Today a fake Sociologist. You never cease to amaze me DC. I think management still yearns to project the image of Les Glorieux as a franchise that belongs au peuple Canadien Français. My hard earned Vanier social studies degree tells me that it`s much more a question of marketability (still see way too many Latendresse jerseys at the Bell Centre) than social conscience towards La Nation Québécoise. Let’s face reality: La Révolution Tranquile is over, the night does not belong to lovers and our beloved Habs have been enslaved by a capitalist system that is no more Canadian than Québécois and certainly as bilingual as Dr. DC. Planne la parade colisse and all will be solved.

Anonymous said...

@nbpkd - do they fear the return of the nordiques?

wv: Menesat - really hard test

Anonymous said...

Marc Crawford, Jacques Lemaire. Can't stand Martin and his passive-non-agressive character

neverbeenpkissed said...

Fear is a big word but ironically “yes” anon; since media is second only to gate when it comes to a franchise’s revenue, the Diques could potentially be a very slight pie slicing downer for the Hab`s media sales (you think Rempart fans don’t watch Habs games?); although it is imperative to remember that the Habs enjoy unparalleled and nearly unshakable gate and merchandising stability; not matter la langue de who’s at the helm and/or on the team. Our problem is operating costs because of our multimedia budget (just ask HF4 about all the Bells and whistles he couldn’t stop raving about) DC you inspire me. I’m now a faux économisse fédéralisse séparatisse who is bringing back the semicolon from the dark ages; vive la rondelle (d’oignion) libre;

Anonymous said...

Let Elvis Gratton show you all the path to identity enlightenment:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lZS7sOOpELI

Number31 said...

Funny story. Friend at work told me he only cheers for the Habs 'cause they're here. If the Nordiques were around, he'd be a Nords fan. So basically fuck it.