Thursday, January 12, 2012

That's it. I'm done with them.

The following blog post may not be suitable for young children. It will be profanity laced and somewhat incoherent due to the migraine this team is causing me.

WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT??? Our only real sniper gets traded for telling the world what we all thought. That the Habs were losers. They prepare like losers, they play like losers, they have sex like losers. LOSERS. Cammalleri was having a shitty year. I blamed him and him alone for that. But 24 hours after he says it you trade him to the lowest bidder? This is the same guy who scored 13 in the playoffs 2 years ago. Which by the way is a franchise record. Who else on this team can say they have a franchise record? Oh yeah, Pierre Gauthier. He has more shit coming out of his mouth than any other GM ever.

Have we learned nothing from the Patrick Roy deal? What was fucking the rush? Fucking Rene Bourque is still suspended for another game. And can someone please tell Pierre Gauthier that René Bourque doesn't even speak french? In all seriousness, I'm 100% sure he doesn't know that. Next thing you know he'll trade the rest of the team for Matt Duchesne and Paul Bissonnette and then hire Pat Lafontaine as coach.

Michael Cammalleri scored 39 goals in Calgary. He came here and his production dropped. René Bourque scored 27 goals in Calgary, so figure he's good for 20 here. I like the 3.3M cap hit, but for another 3 years after this one?? Did our moron of a GM just realize that we needed to get bigger? Where was this logic when you signed 3 midgets to save the team?

My favorite part in all this is that they tell the poor bastard about the trade in the middle of a one goal game in Boston. What other organization does this? None. Just this one.

Cunneyworth: OK boys, let's get out there and kick some ass. We're still in this.

Habs: Hip Hip! Hooray!

Cunneyworth: Mike, hold on a second. I need to ask you something. Do you still have that condo in Calgary?

Cammy: Yes, why?

Cunneyworth: No reason. Pierre wants to talk to you.

Gauthier: Mr. Cammalleri, you've been traded to the Flames for Raymond Bourque.

Cammy: Very funny. We're in the middle of a game.

Gauthier: I'm serious. Get your shit and get the fuck out of here. There's a donkey waiting in the parking lot to take you to the bus station. Jay Feaster wants you on the first bus to Alberta. Once you arrive, a guy on a purple bicycle will pick you up and bring you to the saddledome. Only talk to the guy on a purple bicycle. Trust me. This is how we roll in Montreal.

Cammy: I'm gonna tell everybody what a shitty organization this is. Nobody will ever want to play here.

Gauthier: Joke's on you loser. Everybody already hates Montreal. Besides, with Raymond Bourque, we're a top 5 team for sure. All players who speak french are better than their english counter parts. That's what the protesters say.

Cammy: Go fuck yourself Pierre.

Gauthier: Don't mind if I do.

How is this happening? How is fucking Geoff Molson allowing this to happen? I used to think that Gauthier was the problem, and he is, but what Geoff Molson is doing is insane. How do you hand over the keys to such a moron? What on earth has he done to prove to you that he has the slightest idea what he's doing? And then Gauthier has the balls to tell us that the team is better? No it isn't. It's worse. Worse than the shit it was. There's shit, fifty feet of garbage, 20 more feet of shit, then the Habs.

My mission in life is to see them lose every game the rest of the way. Not most games, every game.


SteveLikesHairyBallsacks said...

Except that this is totally not the year to get a good pick in the draft. The top-rated player in Europe is called Forsberg and you know that's a trap. In North America, it's a freakin' Russian. Habs just don't have it going on with Russians/Bielorussians, Poles, Bulgarians, and other Eastern/Central Blockists.

On another note, check out the prospect they got. Stats are on the up and up, 6 foot, good weight. Can't wait to stick him in our system so we can completely and irreversibly fuck him up.

Let's go Rangers!

Stinky said...

"There's shit, fifty feet of garbage, 20 more feet of shit, then the Habs."


I give up.

iRiRi said...

Unbelievably well done.

Anyone with a half a brain cell can see that they are NOT making the playoffs and would be better off in the long run by finishing last and yet, this moron is STILL pulling off trades to guarantee that 10/11th place.

After it seemed he wasn't allowed to hire a coach outside the organization, I thought that meant he wouldn't be here next year but since he WAS allowed to trade for Kaberle and Bourque, looks like he was given keys to the asylum for good. Ridiculous.

soperman said...

I know that I would find this funny if I could actually laugh. But I can't. I may never laugh again....

Steve said...

Do you think the Goat is an impulse buyer? At the very least he could have bundled Gomez with him.

Don's Cherries said...

Trying to slip Gomez into a deal is like trying to slip an elephant into your anus. You're gonna notice. Unless your name is Pierre Gauthier and your anus has been torn to shreds over the years (litteraly and figuratively)

SteveCantCountToFourteen said...

Steve, take out your trusty Casio calculator and press the following numbers for me.

6 + 8

That gives you 14.

As in $14 million dollars. How can you slip that in a deal for a $3.3 million player? Why can't you ever make any sense.

I don't get your logic either. Sure I agree with the whole Gauthier is a moron thing. But how does this trade guarantee the Habs 10th-11th place? Is that your way of saying that this was a good trade and that Bourque will be more useful than Calamari?

Steve said...

@Stevemybiggestfan, Goat could have taken a couple of dogs back, Eller for Halak, we may have got very lucky but still to soon to say. RB for Cammy, could have done much better, could have forced Gomez into the deal.

Anonymous said...

these are snark-infested waters

iRiRi said...

@Steve - I don't necessarily think Bourque is better than Cammalleri but the trade might have a temporary positive effect on the team and they might finish higher than where they would have with Cammy still there, IMO.

Steve said...

@IRiRI, no disagreement, but do we really want to finish higher if we do not make the playoffs. Bourque is another AK47, but 5 years older, I dont think he is going to turn it around.