Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Deadline Day? More Like Flatline Day



I admire TSN's crew for having stayed with it yesterday. That was the best air-time filling I've seen since Peter Mansbridge's ongoing reporting on the gestational period of Bella the whale in San Francisco.

Impressive stuff indeed.

Duthie: Any trades?

Johnson: Nope.

Duthie: What about now?

Mckenzie: I think so, let me check my blackberry. Crap I left it off. No, no, it was on.

Duthie: Farber, you got anything?

Farber: I have the immeasurable pleasure to declare on this fortnight that nothing has come of this wretched tirade!

Duthie: What?

Farber: I got nothing.

Duthie: Ok, let's go to commercial break. No? No break? Too soon? Alright, can we can Landsberg in here? Maybe get him to mud wrestle Chael Sonnen? McGuire's available today. He's always got something.

McGuire: I'm trying to trade Andrei Kostitsyn. Is my mic on?...

Duthie: Ward? What do you have?

Ward: I've got pocket queens, I'm going all in.

Duthie: What's up with The Artist? I guess the best thing is that the French are so annoying I would have muted that shit anyways.

Dreger: Amen brother.

McKenzie: True that.

Duthie: This show is better than the Oscars on Sunday right? Cause that put me to sleep. This is better right? Right?


Ferraro: The show is silently splendid, like liquid poetry.


....


....

McKenzie: ...


Duthie: Ok! This is big, Evgeni Malkin is now a Sabre!

McKenzie: He's not a Sabre, James.

Duthie: He could be a Sabre...Ok, what about PK Subban, was he traded?

Panger: I'm not touching that one with a 10-foot sherwood.

Hodge: Can you speculate like that? What kind of stupid network is this anyway? I mean this network is so backwards...I have to stop doing this.

Ferraro: Speculate, S-P-E-C-U-L-A-T-E. It's a gorgeous word.

Landsberg: Anyone see my speedo? Somebody say mud wrestling?

Onrait: You borrowed mine last week and I WANT IT BACK.

McGuire: Know your place, Pierre Gauthier. Mic's off right? Somebody's got to turn this bloody mic off.

Duthie: Panger, any news from the west coast?

Panger: Uh yeah, sure. Something's gonna happen soon. I'm sure of it. My blackberry's gonna buzz. Crap, it's off.

Duthie: You know folks, I never told you about my childhood...I was bo...

McGuire: Can somebody turn my mic off? Yes, he misses his brother, yes...

TRADE CENTRE ALERT!!!!!

Duthie: OK, great! we've got a trade to announce! What's this?...Rogers stock is trading at an all-time low as a result of this telecast. Merck stock is shooting up as sales for narcolepsy drugs have soared today.

McKenzie: Get me my broker on the phone.

Dreger: Bob, you can't, that's insider trading.

Duthie: DID SOMEBODY SAY TRADE?!!!

Johnson: Where's Ferraro? What's he got?

Panger: Ferraro's reading Hamlet. In German.

Duthie: How much longer?

Producer: 3 minutes.

Duthie: No, I mean till the deadline.

Producer. It's 9:07 in the morning, James.

McGuire: OK, THIS IS BIG!!! I've, fuck!...The Canadiens have traded Andrei Kostitsyn to the Nashville Predators.

Duthie: Wow! That's huge. We're going to break this one down for you. We've got our Reporters standing by. We've got Dreger on the phone with both GMs. McKenzie will offer a 30-second high decibel opinion that will then be posted verbatim on our website. We've got the players involved on their cell phones. Their wives will also tell us how this will affect life at home. We have a mathematician from Yale who will break the trade down for us. We've got a palm reader from Kingston who'll tell us how she anticipates this trade to impact both teams. My parents may drop by to say a few words and Landsberg will submit Sonnen in a muddy mess.

McGuire: This is a good deal for the Habs. Lots of organizational responsibility and physical commitment to depth and constructive dedication for an impact player positioning to elevate levels of atonement in a cohesively cohesive cohesion. I like the deal.

5 comments:

DarthAlexander said...

On days like this I would so love to be in studio during commercial breaks because I just bet it goes pretty much like this article.

"Jesus, I woke up early for this shit? Are any of our phones going to go off today or what? That fucking Nash...trade him Columbus you dumb fucks!!!"

"Anyone know any great porn sites?"

Steve said...

I love the post trade interview with
TiTs

sportsbabe : yesterday you said you were happy in Montreal, today you say you are happy to be traded to Nashville, why are you a liar, is that why you were traded?

TiTs - In Nashville no one uses the word enigma, that makes me happy.

Sportsbabe - How come with your Mario Lemiux skill level you never did shit in Montreal.

TiTs - coke and hookers, coke and hookers.

Public Domain said...

The wording of your headline is a little creepy today given the greater concerns of many habs fans today

Anonymous said...

@public -Bad coincidence. the title does suggest that they are discussing yesterday.

At least on a day like this we have something to lift spirits.

Cause this is freaking HILARIOUS.

soperman said...

The only thing worse would have been if I took a vacation day from work to watch it....