Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Game preview: Carey vs Kari

Usually, at this time of year, the Montreal Canadiens are getting ready to send their season ticket holders a nice fat invoice for the playoffs the team may or may not make. And every year, I cough up my hard earned money just to be disappointed that they either not make it or get bounced early. Well this year, I'm actually very excited about getting this invoice. My plan is to open the envelope, wipe my ass with it and return it along with a picture of my anus. I will also include a hand written note for Geoff Molson that reads:

Dear Geoff,

This invoice has been in my ass, which is where the team's playoffs hopes also reside. I hope you choke on your lobster dinner tonight as the rest of us watch your shitty team take one on the chin.

Go fuck yourself,

DC



If I'm going to be consistent in my thought process, and assume the Habs are out of the playoffs, then I'm not really interested in previewing a game between 2 teams south of 8th place in their respective conferences. Let's instead discuss other important facts.

1) Check out the title of the post. Both goalies have the same name but spelled differently. Fascinating. Much like the words sore and soar. Fascinating. Dear and deer are also in that category. So are Cole and Coal. This is the kind of crap you can look forward to reading as long as our moronic team is in 13th place.

2) Somehow, after 5 long years, this is the first time our long lost Portugese son returns home. Yes, Mike Ribeiro will finally play in Montreal. In related news, Janne Niinimaa makes his debut on the finnish version of the "washed up hockey player apprentice", hosted by the actual Donald Trump, who refuses to let another billionaire take his place on any tv show at any time. Ribeiro and Robidas for a pile of sweet fuck all. Classic.

3) Another guy who might make an appearance is good ol' Sheldon Souray. That 26 goal season of his seems like it was 20 years ago. He's got 18 points so far (double the output of Scott Gomez) but is still injured more often than not. He's questionable with a fractured everything.

4) Andrei Markov might actually make the trip to Florida later this week with the rest of the team. I for one don't give a shit if this guy never plays again. I'm serious. If he ends up on a milk carton tomorrow, I won't lose any sleep. He's dead to me.

So for tonight, here's what you need to know. It doesn't matter what happens. This team has only itself to blame for my blazé attitude. We've seen Toronto and Washington do everything to give us a chance to catch up and we drop the ball every time.

6 comments:

DarthAlexander said...

Now this is when we'll have a three game winning streak. Naturally everyone else probably will as a well.

HabsFan4 said...

Many of you will remember the best piece on Mike Ribeiro ever written.

HabsFan4 said...

Yes, the link would be useful:

http://fourhabsfans.blogspot.com/2008/01/hf10s-all-star-rant-fuck-you-mickey.html

DarthAlexander said...

Excellent article on the piece of shit. Whenever they (Boston) bring up us diving, they always show that asshole. Asshole shit all over our legacy.

dwgs said...

Asshole may have been one of the first to shit all over our legacy (Tremblay, Houle, and Roy predated him) but ownership and management have done a fine job of piling it higher and deeper ever since.

J.T. said...

Thanks for sharing your plan for the Habs' playoff ticket invoice. I hurt myself laughing, but it's a good hurt. Unlike the shitty hurt the Habs keep piling on us night after night. Anyway, I'm using smiling muscles and it's good to know they're still in there somewhere.