Wednesday, February 22, 2012

The Opposite

Well clearly what we've been doing is not working. Don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled that we're getting closer to 15th than we are to 8th, but I'm a fan. I'm not a player who is supposed to be the most competitive type of human on the planet. I may think this team has no chance, but they still had a chance to get within 4 points of 8th, and layed an egg like that instead. Yet another 3-0 shutout on home ice against a non playoff team. And letting Ribeiro get 1st star to boot.

So like I said, this is not working. And what do you do when things are not working out? You change it up. But this sorry excuse for a hockey team is well beyond a few tweaks away from fixing this disaster. Desperate times call for desperate measures. It's time to take a page from the book of George Costanza.

Everything they do is wrong, so the opposite would have to be right.

The powerplay is the worst in the league? Meet your new unit: Leblanc, Palushaj, White, Gorges and Campoli. They play the entire 2 minutes. Every time.

Sorry Carey, it's time to let the Budaj show begin.

Coach's message not going through? Time for a unilingual french guy. If our retarded players can't understand him, maybe they'll play better.

Sold out crowds? You guessed it, 2,000 fans a game sitting on their hands.

And finally, instead of criticism from bloggers like me, unbridled support and enthusiasm. Go team go! Hooray for effort! You all get a participation ribbon for tying your own skates! It's not about winning or losing, it's about having fun.... I'm gonna barf.

What's the worst that can happen?? Will they create a 16th spot in the conference if we suck even more?

I leave you with this. The Canadiens are Whitney Houston. They were once great. Some may even say the greatest franchise in sports history. But then they married the NHL's equivalent to Bobby Brown in Pierre Gauthier. Pierre introduced the Canadiens to drugs like Scott Gomez and Tomas Kaberle. He turned the once great franchise into an alcohol guzzling, cocaine sniffing freak show. And this season is basically the equivalent to overdosing in a hotel bathtub. Next year, Whitney will pull a Tupac and release a new album. In other words, the Gauthier-less Habs will rise again and take over what is rightfully theirs. What the gods want for this hockey hotbed. 7th spot in the East.


Angry Habs Fan said...

- Jerseys inside out

- Banners now frozen UNDER the ice

- Forwards are now defenceman. Old defenceman are now AHLers (this might not be too far off)

- Sticks are now used like ringette

- Ensure the highest paid player on your roster is the most productive player (this one is just sad)

Steve said...

I was going to say something, but I knew you would reply I was insightful and full of useful knowledge, and that would just be sad.

HabsFan4 said...

Angry Habs Fan, love your site. Just discovered it. Blog rolling you now. Keep in touch.

DarthAlexander said...

There is some awesome writing here. Give me this over the stiff hockey writing most of us see all the time.

I have to say though that I thought of this idea myself a few times. It's so insane that it's probably brilliant.

Why not do the opposite? At this stage who gives a fuck? Most of the players are probably going to phone it in anyways so why not have some fun.

Put DD on Defence. Let Escott play goal. Let Carey be a forward. Tie Kaberle to a chair and fling him up and down the ice (hell, we'd get better defence that way).

Angry Habs Fan said...

Thanks Habsfan4. I'll make sure I get you up on my blog roll ASAP