Friday, February 10, 2012


Jueves, 9 de febrero 2012.

Dear di-ay-ay-ay-ay-ary,

Esta noche in Jew-niondale, my Reasoner finally gave way to my passion. At 9:50 of the third period, I Grabnered an opportunity to shoot the puck Streit at the goal, and saw it go in off the post as easy as uno, dos, tres hundred and sixty nine. Jess it is true, “No Escore, Only Ass-Cyst!” was the Mottau I had decided to adopt. But orphan in life, jew Reese a point where jew feel Neiderriter wrong because confusion is Eaton jew up inside. 

Dr. Fox Mulder had told me not to escore to avoid injury. My ass-cyst explosion was eslowly allowing me to penetrate the anals of history of los Canadienses. But every time I taco a player or touch the puck, the crowd at the Centro Taco Bell would start jeering me on so loudly that it sometimes brought tears to my eyes. ¡Hay Caramba Montréal! Jew being so contempt and excitated to see me play lit up that Juan part inside of Escott that cannot stand the smell of the-feet. ¡Jew made me feel totally shellfish about not using my escoring mussel!

So today, I decided to break out of my shell on Long Island: “I can no longer clam up and pass it! I must crab every opportunity to fill the net!” I said to Dr. Fox Mulder and Coach Cunny-Bunny rigtht before the game. The look of approval in their eyes was instant-anus. I was worried at first as I had left my especial Mexican escoring estick at home. But luckily, Juan Montoya De la Santa Maria Cristobal de la Concha del Valle Cristian Pedro Tavares lent me one he keep for me in queso emergency. 

I have to admit it to jew diaryea. ReLeaf won’t come just Jet even though my gol tonight was of Capital importance. Good for Patio-Ready and his sombrero trick. Dios mio! No goal, no ass-cyst and menos uno for him the game before? Jew would no want to see El Niño get himself in some sort of never-ending drought. As Poo-Key would say, brochure can't let himself Go, mez-merized by his own past success...       


soperman said...

mildly offense? maybe

hilarious? definitely!

"Good for Patio-Ready and his sombrero trick" - great stuff

iRiRi said...

"in queso emergency"

Laughed so hard, my mascara is running! Well done!

HabsFan4 said...

Um Ok, I commented on the wrong here it is again:

*clears throat*

Jew-peeee!!!!! He escoooooores!!!!!

Love it. This is better than Escott scoring.

DarthAlexander said...

I'm speechless. This a riot and that's not doing this justice.

1. I shall forever be stuck thinking of Gomez talking this way.All I can think of is Mel Blanc doing his Speedy Gonzales voice.

2. I will always think of "Patio-Ready".

3. The demented belief system of "Gomez" is just beautiful in all it's incredible wrongness.

Congrats on the hat-trick and thanks a lot for the huge laughs!