Thursday, November 10, 2011

G20, Dirty Old man & a road trip

In case you didn't have tome to keep up with current events in the last 24hrs, here are your main stories. At the G20 meeting, Sarkozy and Obama were caught with their pants down. Well, not litterally, but it was a pretty awkward situation. The following may or may not be exactly what was said with an open mic for all to hear.

Sarkozy: Hey Barry, as-tu quelques minutes pour jaser?

Obama: For you frenchie, I got all the time in the world. Wanna hit the bar for some Colt 45 and freedom fries?

Sarkozy: Je préfère un vin blanc en apéro.

Obama: Pussy

Sarkozy: Ecoute, je n'en peux plus avec ce Netenyahu. C'est un sal menteur.

Obama: You think you have it bad? I gotta deal with that guy way more than you. You know he still reminds me every week that I owe him $6 from G20 2 years ago? I will always regret forgetting my wallet that day.

Sarkozy: Tu n'es pas sérieux. Il veut que tu le rembourses? Quel imbécile!

Obama: Yeah, with interest. He wants $6.89. Nigga please. Just to mess with him, I'm gonna tell him that I'm backing Palestinian statehood and supplying them with 20 nukes as a housewarming gift.

Sarkozy: Ca sera génial! Il va chier dans ses culottes.

Obama: Go get Berlusconi. He'll get a kick out of this. And tell him to bring some girls at happy hour after the meeting. It's a Jay-Z cover band tonight. Gonna be off tha hoooook!

Sarkozy: Oublie ca, il démisionne.

Obama: Get the fuck out of here! They got him to leave?? That slippery bastard had to go at some point. Fucking Sylvio. Ah well, let's go Frenchie. Don't tell Harper where we're going. That guy smells like eggs and peanut butter. Besides, I hear him and Merkel got it on last night.

That my friends is the high school bullshit that goes down at these meetings.

In other (and more disturbing) news, Joe Paterno showed us all how to ruin a 46 year career. Hire a child molestor, catch him in the act, and do nothing. One minute you're an icon, the next a pedophile protector. Wanna make things worse? Resign at the END of the season. And when a bunch of moronic students show up at your door to support you, don't even mention the victims and take pictures with your arms around them. Disgusting. No wonder the board of directors stepped in and fired his ass. We're not talking about knowing some guy stole some jerseys or banged a secretary on the field. We're talking raping little boys. Fucking old piece of shit.

So let's get back to what we're all here for. Les Glorieux.

They're off to see the desert, the wonderful desert of Az. So after 4 straight wins, our beloved Habs have dropped 2 straight in very different ways and now head west for a couple of road games. The Rangers had 2 extra skaters on the ice the whole game and the Oilers had another hot goalie. Fucking HabbyBooLin. We seem to face one every other game...

I saw the Oilers game much like the Buffalo loss of mid October. Unlike my esteemed colleague, I did not feel the performance was soaked in propofol. Although that could be because I was playing poker at the same time. The Habs had their chances. A ton of them. We also had 6 power plays to make up for the Ranger game. Nothing was working. All I heard on the radio yesterday was how we didn't show up in the 1st period. Who cares? It was scoreless after 1, so no harm done. We outshot them 25 to 8 in the last 40 minutes. 9 times out of 10, that gets you a win. Price was left hanging on both their goals so let's not point the finger at him. He's the least of our problems. Markov's absence is really starting to be felt. We all knew that we couldn't keep going without him and not miss a beat. When healthy and at his best, he's a top 5 d-man. And there is no place where we can see that more than the power play. It takes us one minute just to set up. 79 gets it done in half that. PK and Weber can't seem to hit the net so their 100 mph shots are as useless as Jackie's time outs.

So first up is Phoenix, then Nashville. Both these teams have similar records. Shockingly, they're both better than ours. Our little winning streak is starting to seem very distant. Time's a wastin' boys. We need these 4 points like Paterno needs a publicist.


Steve said...

We are all fucking Americans now. Dont care about how, why and what, its just winning that matters. Hockey is fucking boring this season, the Habs are fucking boring, I wanna be sedated, but not while watching hockey.

juce said...

On a wing and a prayer....

juce said...

As for Paterno, his covering up and not reporting to the police is as bad as committing the act itself.

Steve said...

@Juce, bend over the USA is on your ass

Kmaxx said...

I think that there is a lot more to the Paterno story - no one does that - NO ONE - and he is a piece of shit!

@DC - That G20 bit was classic - and I would imagine remarkably close to the mark!

lawyergirl77 said...

Bravo, Mr. Cherries. Bravo. I was pissé-ing dans ms culottes while I read this!!

Public Domain said...

I'm probably the only guy who thinks it would be a good idea to re-name Columbus the "Toronto Gay Penguins". They could move the team to Quebec and then...(drum roll please).. be seperated!!