Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Game preview: Habs vs the Oil

Alright people. Habs are 2 points out of last in the East and Edmonton is 2 points out of 1st in the West. Something doesn't feel right. Perhaps the last 8 years of sucking is finally paying off for the Oilers. I was a huge Gretzky fan growing up so I have a soft spot for this team. When I see teams that have struggled for years in strong hockey markets finally succeed, it makes me warm and fuzzy inside. The exception that proves the rule? Guess. It rimes with Moronto.

It's no secret, if you finish in the bottom 3 for a few years, you're bound to pick up enough top draft picks to eventually turn it around. We've seen Washington, Pittsburgh and Chicago dominate after scraping the bottom of the barrell for almost a decade. Unfortunately, it's not a strategy used by the Canadiens, and who can blame them. Being a 6-9th place team is raking in huge money, but if we were out of the playoffs every year by Christmas, trust me, G-Mol would feel it. Oh, I forgot to mention that Geoff Molson is too corportate. He will now be known as G-Mol. Well, he will be once his album drops next week. Holla!

So even after picking Hemsky, Gagner, Eberle, Paajarvi and Hall, there was something missing. Something only the brokeback love of Ted Nugent and Anthony Hopkins could create. Who knew a gun-toting redneck and a british thespian could produce such a hockey phenomenon. I can just picture how it went down on that hot summer night in 1992. (This is only funny if you read it out loud with redneck and english accents)

Nugent: Hey Tony, why don't you come over here and let me fondle that english ass of yours.

Hopkins: Oh Theodore, you're incorrigible! Is that a rifle in your trousers or are you simply happy to see me?

Nugent: You talk funny. Check out my boner.

Ryan Nugent-Hopkins was born 9 months after that exchange. Today, he has 12 points in 13 games. As you're getting over that visual, know this. He was born 2 months before the Habs won their last cup. To him, Kindergarten Cop is an old movie. He has no idea that Slovakia and the Czech republic were once one nation. And my personal favorite: 5 years ago, he was in grade 7. Damn I'm getting old.

As for the Habs, the inevitable problem of what to do when Gomez comes back is finally here. Not sure if Gomez will be ready to go, but if he is, I'm sure Jackie will make the mistake of moving Eller to the wing. Why? Nobody fucking knows why. Perhaps Gomez is an Alaskan-Mexican drug lord. Perhaps he has already kidnapped Jackie's entire family and is having them held at gun point somewhere in El Salvador. He has 1 goal in his last 42 games and Eller is finally turning it on. Why not stick Gomez on the wing? It's like what I always tell my kid. Go stand over there and don't touch anything. Are they afraid of upsetting him? Are they concerned his production will drop if he's not feeling appreciated? Are they worried it will become 1 goal in 64 games?

Puck drops at 7:30, hopefully with Gomez on the wing. Or better yet, in the press box.


karimisbetterthanyou said...

Didn't think the Nug' would be into Enlish men.
Holla !

Steve said...

You cant put Gomez on the wing, cause his shot barely reaches the net from the top of the circle. People with Hyphened names piss me off. I am so much better than you I have two names, grow up and choose.