Saturday, November 12, 2011

Gomez or Go Home - A Family Tale - Episode 2

Episode #2: Que la gloria vuelva

Escott Gomez, no longer physically injured but demoralized by recently having discovered that the man who raised him may not be his biological father, is soaking his worries in Tequila and mumbling to himself at his favourite Mexico City Alaskan 70’s Disco gay bar, Taverna IditaRod Stewart. The friendly Barkeep Camarero, aware of Escott’s recent debacles, is keeping a watchful eye.

Escott: Palushaj-ay-ay-ay-ay...I juiced to have so many Gorges drims but I rectum all. Judo know what can heppen en la vida. One day, jew are day bess Mexican-Colombian on ice that’s not a dead body from the drug war, and the nest day, no papito, no coontry and all the people they throw rocks at jew in the street. La vida cheese no worth living! No guey! One more botella de Tequila Camarero!

Camarero: Escott my fren! Tranquilo! Eslow dow! Jew no want to leave here so drunk someone taco jew so hard jew pass out industry. If jew really want to restore joor pride an honor, all jew need es... (dramatic organ chord) Salazar.

Escott: ¿Javier Manuel Rodríguez Miguel José Sánchez Manolete De La Baptista Aroza Carlos Salazar?

Camarero: Correcto Escott! Only the most famoso Torrero in the history of Méjico can give you the training so estrong and estra-añus that it will sin falta make you a hole new men! I Anchorage jew to estart with him mañana.

Escott: ¿Mañana ?

Camarero: Si! Mañana! Salazar is a busy men. Jew no want to see the opportunity to train with him go pasteurize like every single puck since cinco de febrero 2011.

Escott: Lo siento Camarero but I can no do this. Ever since Papito made me shoot my favourite sled dog Pepe because I miss practice, I can no estand so mach cruelty toward animals. I was at a PITA rally with Habibibulin just last thirsty shouting: “Subban the bull fight! No more kill White seals with Blunden objects! The Diaz of overfishing Camalleri are over!” We Campolied there all night to prove our point until this cop come entice me up to a tree...

Camarero: ¿Reelly? ¿En serio? If jew think jew can save the Bulls, urine over your head. Even if you want to marry this cause Escott, you cantaloupe tonight!!

Escott: Ice chest playing with jew pendejo! I have no love for the Bulls, I love this-purse too mach!

Camarero: So come with me Escott, wheelchair a taxi to my tia Racial’s place and mañana the Bulls will know Juarez joor name. The fear in their ojos will be instant anus.

Just as they are about to get into their taxi, Escott and Camarero suddenly feel a gust of wind and are blinded by a pure white light.

Camarero: ¡Hay dios mio! Es la Virgen de la Macarena coming to Grant Hugh the power to the-feet da Bulls.

Escott: Jew are rye! The Virgen will give me the moves like Jagr and the wisdom like Great-Ski.

Camarero: ¡But wait Escott! ¿Jew hearing that sound? ¡Es un helicoptero with the shoe of the horse representating the rancheros de todo Méjico!

Escott: ¡No Pendejo! Son los Gloriosos, los Canadienses coming to bring me beck!

Camarero: ¡Harry harry Escott! Que tu gloria vuelva, major drims come beck...major...

Escott: (interrupting) ...there is no time for es-peaches and Pekkas on the cheek. Tell Salazar I will be beck. I will no Rene on my promise to fight the Bulls, but I must go to Esteve Nashville to Carey the team Under my wood. Do not Waylon and Wynette for my departure as I must play my Parton in a Swift victoria contra los Predadores (even more dramatic organ chord).



Sleepy said...

Forget Jaro we have Escott!
My head hurts.

HabsFan4 said...


Watch your mouth.

I kid I kid. All hail El Conkistador!

Kmaxx said...

Escott on the pages of this blog are far more funny than Scott on the ice. Let's keep him here and off the fuckin' ice. There really is no reason for him anymore...apart from the material he provides for El Conkistador

Moey said...


juce said...

Very entertaining!

HabsFan29 said...

muy amusido!

Supernova said...

I may have yust you're-in-ated all over myself!