The Montreal Canadiens begin their Pacioretty-less 3 game road trip tonight with a stop in Anaheim to face the not so Mighty Ducks. Les Canards have lost 5 straight and 8 of 10. This is terrible news. With their recent track record of playing down to their opposition, I would expect them to lose 12-2. But then we got the news that Markov might come back! Suddenly, my outlook on life itself was much less gloomy. Markov's return could finally mean a potent powerplay, smoother breakouts and the general concept of having a less shitty defensive core. Well, not so fast DC. Markov is out for tonight. Our savior will have to be Louis Leblanc. He was called up to fill the void left by our leading goal scorer. Here's how the conversation went:
Jackie: Hey Louis, jump on a plane and get to Anaheim, you're in the lineup tonight.
LL: Really? Not sure if my 14 games in the AHL have properly prepared me for this. Can I ease into the lineup?
Jackie: If by ease into the lineup you mean take over for Max Pacioretty on the top line, then yes.
LL: I can't replace that guy right off the bat! I need some time to settle in. Besides I have a coupon for a free pan pizza at the Hamilton Pizza Hut that expires tonight. Can I join you in San Jose tomorrow?
Jackie: Get on the fucking plane. And don't start coming up with excuses as to why you can't lead this mediocre team to the playoffs, er, the cup. If we win, we'll stop for ice cream on the way home.
LL: Sweet! I'm on my way. Just don't put me on a line with Gomez. By the way, if the team needs a place to crash, my cousin Matt has a huge house.
There you have it. No Markov, no Max. Welcome to the NHL Louis. You thought Harvard was hard? Say hello to the 789 journalists who will dissect your every pubic hair follicle. Now go save this franchise. And for the love of god, trim those eyebrows.