Friday, November 4, 2011

Gomez or Go Home - A Family Tale - Episode 1

Special to the PK'sists by your new blogger, El Conkistatdor. 

Episode #1: Mi hijo tu hijo...

Escott Gomez, his papito Carlos and mamita Dalia are sitting in the family living room. As the Univision commentator for Esta Noche Gigante de la Chinga de NHL, Pedro Barrio, starts calling the play in Ottawa, Escott, adorned in a full upper body cast is venting to his papis about his current condition.

Escott:  Buday-ay-ay-ay-ay papito... I no billeve estaying with you toonight en la casa otra vez. I escore big gol contra los Senadores in the drim I have anoche. It feeling like años I no play. I no no si los Canadienses wafer me coming beck.  

Papito (furious and choking his son) : Ekk like a men Escott!!!  A men!

Escott: Papito estop, pleeze!  I can no brief..., my Luongos are burning too mach!   

Papito: You Escott a no deserve to brief. Lers Hitler can brief.  Max Patio Ready can brief. Even Mad You D’Archay  can brief.  But Escott Enrique Hector De la Hoya Hernandez San Martin Cabral Colombo de la San Sebastian Gomez  no brief…. until Papito say you brief.  

Mamita: Lay Escott go Carlos! Lay her go! Carlos por favor no!

Papito: I can no shut the bishop! Mamita, this is none of you concern!

Escott: I saw sori I am decent-point you mamita... but I do my bess.  Numero Onze allwez do his bess! There is no murshroom for no doing his bess in la familia Gomez.

Papito: Liver a loan Escott. Chicken cry all day for you. You no day bess. You broke  your mamita  corazon when you esell herpes of homemade lemon cake for marijuana and now you a killer una vez mas with this no escore no moore, no eplay no moore.   

Escott : I so sari. I P.K’d con los Diablos. Moorayal Canadienses no so eessy.

Papito (pensive and downing Tequila from the bottle): July to me Escott. July to me that Moorayal, Quebec and Guadalajara is esame climat. July to me wen jew say jew still super estrella in dissa league. July Escott. Jew see what jew do to your mamita. Now I kill jew Escott. Jew are no my son. Jew are no my son. Jew must go back to restore family honor and fight de bulls back home in Mexico.

Mamita: Correcto Carlos! Lo siento mi amor!!! 
He must fight the bulls! Before Escott you so fast! Nobady can cashew. Today, you eskate slower than Mexican police crackdown in Tijuana...And one more thing, Papito (with dramatic organ chord playing in the background)Escott....iss.... nott... joor son !!!!

Pedro Barrio (interrupting):  

Goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooollll.... Lers Hitler gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool   Lars Hitler Riquissima mamita la maradona de gol!!



Anonymous said...

the new Jaro ? amazing

Public Domain said...

aye aye aye

Jew no show mercy

Muy bueno cabron

wv: Escott no is layst of our concerns

ezzeloharr said...

Quality stuff.

HabsFan4 said...


Ezze kef to see you again!

GoldenGirl11 said...

I'm reporting you to Bnai Brith.

HabsFan4 said...

Bnai Brith controls the cartel in Juarez. They pre-approved this post.

Wv: they are no thaints (pronounced in Spanish accent, so a propos!)

iRiRi said...


El Conkistador said...

Joor come ants make conkistador more eheppy den dey he having loco free some witt Cristina Aguilera, Yennifer Lopez and Taco Bell chiwawa...Free(3) burrito four everybody!

Kmaxx said...

@4 - Papito estop, pleeze! I can no brief..., my Luongos are burning too mach!

I'm fuckin' killing myself laughing at this series already! Brilliant stuff. Better than the tales of Jaro!


Kmaxx said...

Now seriously...tell me he's not playing tonight!

LeBuuuuut said...


Public Domain said...

perhaps lost in the commotion

"Patio Ready" -wif not sin last uf I'm hoping