Saturday, December 17, 2011

Au Revoir Jackie

Well that was unexpected. Pierre Gauthier pulled the trigger on a surprising move this morning, firing his bff Jacques Martin. Actually, surprising may not be the right word. We all knew Martin's job security was a little shaky, but the timing of the move was a little suspect. Did he wake up this morning and decide to axe his buddy? Yesterday was an off day and seemed like a more sensible option. In any case, he's out. His career murdered by his long time friend. Unfortunately, it wasn't a murder-suicide. We're still saddled by Mr. Gauthier. Here is my version of how this went down.

Gauthier: Mr. Martin, we need to talk.

Martin: Ok. Mr. Gauthier. Let me get my trusty note pad.

Gauthier: You won't need it, this will be quick.

Martin: I can't speak to anyone without it. I already forgot what you said 6 seconds ago.

Gauthier: Fine, hurry up and go get it.

Martin: I'll be back in 2 minutes. You want a latte?

Gauthier: Hurry up you troll. I have a press conference in an hour.

Martin: I love those! You make a trade? Who did you get for me? Some grit for the 3rd and 4th line? A true #1 center? What? What?

Gauthier: No trade. Just get your fucking note pad.

Martin: Can you at least give me a hint? This is so exciting! I really think we're close to turning this thing around. Gomez is the key. He's about to bust out of this slump, I can feel it. And Darche has really shown he deserves top six ice time.

Gauthier: If you don't go get your fucking note pad in the next 3 seconds, you're fired.

Martin: Relax Pierre! I just really love surprises. It reminds me of this time when my mom told me I was getting a super cool....

Gauthier: Shut the fuck up. You're fired. Get your shit out of the building by 2pm. I hate you.

In another surprising move, the team named Randy "je ne parle pas fronsay" Cunneyworth as interim head coach. I like this move and I'll tell you why. Right now, there are no available candidates that really seem exciting. So instead of giving out a contract to the best person in a weak talent pool, we wait for someone else to get canned by the end of the season. In my ideal scenario, Cunneyworth turns this thing around and wins over the players. This way, Pierre Gauthier will have to explain to the french media why he's replacing the guy who finally got things going.

Cunneyworth's first test will be tonight versus the Devils. Martin Brodeur has won 976 straight starts in Montreal. The good news is that if Cunneyworth sucks, we have another Randy waiting in the wings.

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